Hello, and welcome to my 2017 NaNoWriMo attempt!

    The whole purpose of NaNoWriMo is to write 50,000 words in a month! I don't expect to make it to 50,000 words in November 2017, but it's always exciting to try. As always, this book will be updated throughout the month (assuming I remember and have the energy to write), and so anything could change or be added.

    Enjoy reading!

    Sometimes the best thing about living turns out to be dying.

    I could feel the wind pushing my hair back away from my face as I stood at the edge of the roof, my long brown curls flowing in the wind as I toed the edge, contemplating the pros and cons of suicide. Looking down at the empty concrete below, the light from the streetlamps barely touching the ground, I could feel my glasses sliding to the edge of my reddening nose, threatening to fall off. It was freezing on the rooftop, but I suppose there's never a good day to jump to your death. The blue smartphone in my pocket started buzzing. Again. Reluctantly, for the twenty-sixth time that night (I had been counting), I pulled it out of my pocket, this time finding Matt’s face beaming up at me. Seems the officers were on rotation.

    They had been calling non-stop for the past three hours.

    I figured they would get tired of it soon enough and give up, but I guess we weren’t to that point yet.

    Putting the phone back in my pocket for the twenty-sixth time that night, I looked up and down the almost empty street. A homeless man had settled in for the night beside some stairs leading up to the door of an unmarked building. Hope he's not too cold.

    Standing on the rooftop, unnoticed, I felt like a superhero waiting for my own Batsignal.

    But maybe I'm the villain instead.

    Villains commit suicide too, don't they?

    Hero or villain, what am I?

                It had been a boring hour at Magale Library, sitting at the circulation desk and working on my over-due pre-calculus homework. Nathan was standing by the sign in/out sheet for student workers, getting ready to leave ten minutes before the hour was over. I suppose he has class.

“Bye, Nathan.” I say, watching as he walks towards the doors of the library.

                “Bye, Rebecca. See you later.” He says in response.

                And for the next ten minutes I’m left alone at the desk, Mrs. Chevalier coming out of the back room just five minutes before I’m going to leave. She doesn’t say anything, but checks her email on the available computer by the printer.

                Suddenly a student walks in and I have to awkwardly watch him to make a note on the count of where in the library he has gone. If someone I know happens to walk into the library then it's not to awkward to look at them for the first couple of seconds when they walk in and to even say "hi", but if it's someone I've never even met, then it's just fucking awkward.

    This student heads towards the stairs.

    Upstairs or downstairs?

    Upstairs. Time to make a guess of where he's going upstairs.

    I put him down for the regular section upstairs.

    Not soon enough does the clock strike three, letting me be free from the constraints of the circulation desk.

    "Bye, Mrs. Chevalier." I say as I aim to walk towards the doors of freedom.

    "Goodbye, Rebecca. Have a nice day!" Mrs. Chevalier replies, turning to look at me as I leave.

    Before I even get out of the library, I run into Tia in the lobby who is rushing in to cover the desk as she's a student worker herself.

    "Hey, Tia!" I say as I pass.

    "Hi, Rebecca! See you in Camerata!" She says cheerfully.

    "See you." I respond.

    Over the past four days, the Centenary College Choir had been on choir tour throughout Louisiana, and Tia had been my roommate. She's immensely sweet, but she's so sweet and just doesn't understand that sometimes people don't need that much love, which is why I tried to avoid her so much during the tour except for when we had to go to host homes. I absolutely love her with all of my heart, but I can't always stand her because I am certainly one of those people who don’t need that much love, though I do often crave it in a romantic way.

Damn. Camerata rehearsal started off great, but it went downhill very quickly. And I think it’s all because our director pointed out just how well we were doing.

“Okay, let’s start at measure forty-two where the tenors start and altos come in at the next measure.” Dr. Wikan says, clearly beginning to get frustrated.

Camerata is Centenary’s chamber choir, originally meant to be the select ensemble performing the more difficult music, but right now we’re really just a joke.

And again, we start singing, stumbling over pitches and rhythms and words, trying to catch ourselves before it becomes a train wreck. We’re working on Mass for Five Voices by William Byrd. It’s definitely a challenging piece of music, but it’s ridiculous that we have nine people on the alto part compared to the five or less on every other part and the altos still can’t get it right. Dr. Wikan had moved me from soprano to alto for the Mass because I’m one of the more skilled singers in the ensemble (or at least I think I am), but it’s not enough.

Eventually rehearsal ends and we all leave defeated yet again, knowing we’ll have to return the next day and do everything all over again. Just before any of us exits the room, Dr. Wikan calls for the small ensemble to stay for a moment and we agree on a time to meet to rehearse. Hopefully our rehearsal will be much better than the normal Camerata rehearsal since we seem to know the music better in some aspects.

As I’m leaving from Camerata, I find that I’ve received a text from Kathryn.

“TWIN WE NEED TO TALK LET ME IN YOUR DORM”

                Suddenly very worried, I rush up the stairs of the choral building and hurry outside. The cold wind hits my cheeks, and immediately I’m chilled. The clouds and the cold front had come to stay. Hopefully we’ll actually have a cold winter this year. Now, normally I’m a pretty fast walker, but the text from my sister had me speeding as fast as my feet could carry me. My heart was pounding and my head was starting to spin. Luckily my dorm is the closest to the choral building, so it didn’t take long to find her practically bouncing up and down on the porch of Sexton Dormitory.

                “Beckie!” Kathryn yells, smiling her widest smile.

                “Katie!” I exclaim. “What are you doing here?”

                “We need to talk. It’s urgent.” Katie says, clearly very excited about something.

                “And you couldn’t just call me? Or Skype?”

                “No, this is way too important and has to be done in-person!”

                “Fine. Let’s go in. You almost gave me a heart attack.”

                I hold up my wristlet to the (card reader) and wait for it to beep and hear the click of the door unlocking before I open the door and usher Kathryn inside.

                Long story short, Kathryn and I are in fact twins. We’re both seniors in college, but we attend different colleges. I went to Centenary College of Louisiana in Shreveport, and she went to Stephen F. Austin University in (-). It’s late Monday afternoon and Kathryn is here at Centenary, (-) hours away from SFA for who knows what reason.

                “Don’t you have classes you’re supposed to be attending?”  I ask as we’re walking down the hall towards my suite.

                “Yes, but missing two days won’t hurt me.” Kathryn answers.

                “Two days?” I ask to clarify.

                “There’s no way I’ll be able to drive back tonight. Can’t I just stay with you?”

                We had arrived at my suite and I was in the process of unlocking the door when she asked. Luckily for us, I don’t have a roommate, which means I have an empty bed in my room. Which is currently hiding under a huge pile of unfolded laundry.

                “Couldn’t you have warned me this morning or something?” I ask as we enter the suite and go into my room.

                “Yes, but surprises are more fun!” Kathryn states, closing my room door behind her, clearly amused with my annoyance.

                “Fine,” I say. “But you have to come to choir rehearsal with me tomorrow at noon.”

                “Deal!” Kathryn says.

                I throw down my backpack beside my bed and put my water bottle on my desk, turning around to look at my sister.

                “So, what is this urgent news you absolutely had to tell me in person?” I ask.

                Kathryn smiles and clambers up onto my bed, patting the spot in front of her, urging me to climb up onto the bed and chat with her. Somewhat reluctantly, I hoist myself up onto the bed with her.

                “What?” I ask. “What is it?”

                “Honestly, I’m really nervous to tell you, but I’m way too excited all at the same time. You just have to promise not to tell anyone yet.”

                “Okay, deal. What is it?”

                “Surprise! I’m gay!”

                I froze, shocked.

                “W-what?” I stammered, barely getting the word out of my mouth.

                “I’m gay.” Kathryn says, serious this time.

                “Wow.” I say. “Wow, uh, congratulations I guess.”

                Immediately I could tell that my sweet, baby sister was uncomfortable in the current situation. Obviously, I hadn’t reacted the way she wanted me to, nor was I exactly emitting positive emotions.

                “Don’t take this the wrong way, Kathryn.” I plead. “I’m really, incredibly happy that you came out to me. I’m just…surprised is all. That wasn’t at all what I was expecting you to share with me.”

                “Okay.” Kathryn hesitates. “You’re not upset or…disgusted by the fact that I’m gay?”

                “No! Not at all!” I insist. “You know me. I’m happy with however you choose to live your life. Gay or straight, loud or quiet, leader or soldier, I’ll love you no matter what.”

                Kathryn stares at me for a second, considering her next words carefully and picking at the hem of her worn out Allen Band t-shirt from high school.

                “Okay.” Kathryn accepts, breathing out a sigh of relief.

                We sit there on my bed, facing each other, silent for a moment as we both process what had all just been said.

                “Is that all you wanted to say?” I ask. “You seemed super excited, and I get the feeling there was more to it than just that.”

                Kathryn smiles just the tiniest bit, looking up at me.

                “I have a girlfriend now.” She grins.

                “Really?” I smile. “That’s great! What’s her name?”

                “Nicole. She’s absolutely gorgeous.”