|f a l l i n g f ø r y o u ~ t h e  1 9 7 5|

|F e t i s h ~ S e l e n a G ø m e z| 

|H u m a n ~ Ø f  M ø n s t e r s   a n d  M e n|

|S w e e t e s t  T a b ø ø ~ D e a t ø n  T h r i f t|

|C ø l l a r b ø n e s  ~ T h ø m s t ø n|

|H ø l y  G h ø s t ~ B Ø R N S|

|M e d i c i n e ~ t h e  1 9 7 5|

|B r e a t h e  M e  I n ~ L a u r a  W e l s h|

|N ø L i g h t  N ø  L i g h t ~ |

|F l ø r e n c e & T h e M a c h i n e|

|A m e r i c a n  M ø n e y ~ B Ø R N S|

|M a d e  ø f  L i g h t ~ M i k k y  E k k o|

|C ø l ø r s ~ H a l s e y|

|Y ø u r e  N ø t  a  M a n ~ T h ø m s t ø n|

|T ø u g h  L ø v e ~ J e s s i c a  W a r e|

|N e p t u n e  ~ S l e e p i n g  a t  L a s t|

|B i t e ~ T r ø y e  S i v a n|

|D ø p a m i n e ~ B Ø R N S|

|H a u n t i n g ~ H a l s e y|

|F u c k  W i t h  M y s e l f  ~ B a n k s|

|H i m  ~ S a m  S m i t h|

 A woman's face with nature's own hand painted

Hast thou, the master-mistress of my passion;

A woman's gentle heart, but not acquainted

With shifting change as is false women's fashion;

An eye more bright than theirs, less false in rolling,

Gilding the object whereupon it gazeth;

A man in hue, all hues in his controlling,

Which steals men's eyes and women's souls 

amazeth.

And for a woman wert thou first created,

Till nature as she wrought thee fell a-doting,

And by addition me of thee defeated

By adding one thing to my purpose nothing.

      But since she pricked thee out for women's 

pleasure,

      Mine be thy love and thy love's use their treasure.

The sun crept intø my røøm thrøugh my windøw when I awøke. It had tø be ønly minutes beføre my alarm is suppøsed tø ring. The day's eyes haven't even øpened its eyes yet, but I knew that I was irritated. Grabbing før my phøne I gave øut a breath when I realized that I am right. I always hated when I was right abøut things that have nø benefit tø me. I had a gøød five minutes tø spare beføre I get up, five minutes that cøuld've døne wønders før my current møød. Turning my backyard and the seeping sun cøming øut øf the bare trees øf late fall. Instead I watch my desk becøme møre and møre visible as the sun cømes in frøm the east. Sløwly but surely my beat up paint bøx’s tenaciøus crimsøn cølør cømes intø the light with the metal shøwing thrøugh it. By its side is a tall glass øf tap water, nøw a murky shade between a muted dark purple and førest green with three small watercølør bristles. I was up all night døing my assignment før AP Art that’s what I get før prøcrastinating abøut buying thøse chalk pastels. They were expensive and because døwntøwn was the cløsest place I cøuld get supplies, everywhere else was abøut thirty minutes tø an høur and I døn’t have enøugh gas møney tø dø that. Sø I ended up spending twenty bucks instead øf spending fifty ør møre.

When my alarm went øff I sat up trying tø fix my bed head which is a bit redundant because my hair is always bed head. Usually, peøple with curly hair especially shørt curly hair just rustle the nest a bit and then prestø yøu have yøur hairstyle før the day. Scøøting myself døwn and øff my bed and gave myself a gøød stretch beføre stepping øver my scattered shøes and clean øff my desk. My røøm is always junky my møther uses tø jøke even when I was yøunger that my røøm was a black høle. She wøuld spend høurs helping clean it øver and øver and by three days it wøuld løøk almøst the exact same way. “Beau.” She wøuld cømplain after cøming høme frøm wørk tø see me lying øn my stømach reading and what killed me was that she’d just started picking my bøøks and tøys putting them away øne after anøther putting Fifa my cølørful stuff elephant øn my bed beføre rubbing my head and shutting the døør tø help dad with dinner. She’s dead nøw since føur years last August. Anyway, I clear øff my desk putting my art supplies intø my tøølbøx and away and I hønestly didn’t feel like wearing anything tøø tight sø slid øn a pair øf øveralls øver the big tee shirt I wøre tø bed. After brushing my teeth and washing my face I gø under my bed I dragged my bøøk bag øff frøm underneath the bed having tø stretch a bit tø reach it. Swinging it øn my back I head quickly døwnstairs bareføøt. I see øne øf my dads crashing øn the søfa. “Charlie,” I began in a høarse whisper. Nø respønse. “Charlie!” I hiss. Still nada. “Charlie!” I shøut again pushing him a bit with my føøt in the ribs. He cøughed a bit with a grøan attached.

“Jeezeeee.” He mumbles sleepily rubbing his muddy brøwn eyes løøking up at me.

“Dø yøu have thermal underwear...underneath thøse fly-by-night øveralls?” He asked his vøice still caked with sleep.

“Maybe,” I replied, “Dø yøu have breakfast ready?” I ask.

“Maybe,” He begun. “But aren’t øld enøugh tø cøøk breakfast før yøurself?”

“Maybe.” I said avøiding his eyes nøt accepting defeat but head up stairs tø slide øn the thermal underwear anyway. After searching thrøugh the abyss that is my røøm I føund a pair øf black ønes. Heading døwn the steps I heard the shøwer running must be Gryffin getting ready. “Are yøu gøing tø help...Beau where are yøur søcks?” He asked pøpping the P when he turned arøund as I was høpping intø my scuffed up cønverse as he stirs the batter. “Where’s the -” I began and he sighed. “Enøugh with the tøuchés, Beau put øn søme søcks beføre yøu freeze tø death øutside.” He interrupts. I run back upstairs yelling. “I’ll starve first!”

After putting øn the right amøunt øf cløthes tø prøtect me frøm the weather I am welcømed tø pancakes in sausages. Gryffin cømes døwn with dripping hair and with a sweater and jeans. “Between the bøth øf yøu!” Charlie cømplains, “I’m nøt taking care øf either yøu when yøu get sick.” He declared pøinting at the bøth øf us especially at Gryff's hair. Gryffin ignøres the weapøn and wrapped his arøund Charlie’s waist før a hug. “I smell sømething gøød.” He explained. “Yøu dø anything før us.” I chirp in batting my eyes. “Becaaaause,” He drawn øut the wørd shaking Gryffin away playfully beføre placing the a stack øf pancakes øn my plate. “Ya’ll die withøut me.” He pøinted øut handing me the syrup. “Thanks.” I say quickly beføre inhaling the pancakes. “Sløw døwn beføre yøu chøke.” He said ruffling my hair, “Nøw yøu.” He said taking a breath between the wørds after turning arøund tø Gryffin. “Nøw what dø yøu want?” He asked raising a brøw.

“Pancakes?” He said as thøugh it was a guess as he smiled nervøusly.

“Starvatiøn.” Charlie mumbled underneath his breath beføre gøing før a plate øn a tøp shelf. He jumps again trying tø reach it. Gryffin walks øver and reaches it with ease frøm behind. Charlie blushes thrøugh his tan skin. “Starvatiøn?”

“That’s nøt fair I can’t help I’m shørter than yøu.”

Gryffin grabs the spatula and slaps the pancakes øn the plate. “Beauregard is shørter and he isn’t even as helpless as yøu.” He cømments.

“Yøu can’t with a name like Beauregard.” I snørt.

“Yøu like yøur men helpless anyway.” Charlie mumbles smugly.

“Allegedly.” Gryf added drinking øut øf Charlie’s mug.

“What is that suppøse tø mean?” He asks snatching the pancakes away.

“Nøthing.” He said løøking at the pancakes.

“Yøu sipping my cøffee bøy?” He fumed løøking at the cøffee.

“I said nøthing, uh right Beau?” Gryf asked, begging me tø give him a lifeline Charlie løøking  at me the same way.

I check the cløck, “Løøk at the time.” I say getting up I grab the mug frøm his hand gulp the last bit and with my bøøk bag I head før the døør. The air is crisp and the sun is already up when I feel my cøat being thrøwn at me and then the shutting øf the døør. “Sun, it’s cøld!” Charlie exclaimed frøm the døør. “Get øver yøur anemic ass øver…” I put my bag døwn øn the damp driveway and slip øn my burgundy windbreaker that drape øver my arms. I pull my phøne and earbuds frøm my øverall pøcket and tune in my music making my way døwn the beaten street tø the bus støp.

    It’s nøt a løng walk frøm the bus støp just døwn the bløck a bit and a turn. It has always been the same since I went tø the same exact schøøl since I was føur, walk døwn the bløck and turn right. In the rain, in the snøw, in the sleet, rain ør shine før the past decade and a three years. The grøup is small tøday, it happens sømetimes a grøup øf friends cøme up with the idea tø play høøkie in the next tøwn øver. I’m nøt like that øne, Charlie wøuld murder me and secønd the friends I dø have meaning the ønes that Charlie and Gryffin apprøve øf aren’t like that at all. “Hey, Brace-face.” Sømeøne place their arm arøund my shøulder. “Hey Mikah.” I greet indifferently him løøking up. “Høws my favørite persøn?” He asks ruffling my hair. “Fine as anyøne whø gøing tø schøøl.” My vøice drøp intø a mønøtøne. “Ah...schøøl, the first circle øf Dante’s Infernø.” He mused, I elbøw him. “Whø even says that crap?” I ask and he ruffles my hair. ‘I tell yøu whø Beau, peøple whø watch ønly independent films nøt that bløckbuster shit they call møvies.” He explains nødding his head. “Døn’t yøu like Star Wars?” I asked absentmindedly as I watch the the winking lights øf the bus and the bus døør øpening and picking the støp full øf kids beføre us. “Mmm,” He started as he drank his bøttle øf Wawa ice tea beføre smacking his lips. “The øld ønes døn’t cøunt.” He nøted. “Um...øh right.” I said after it tøøk me a møment tø register what he was saying. “Speaking øf which why døn't we like tø gø see it at the drive in tønight.” He said putting his hand øn my shøulder rubbing the back øf my head a bit sløw cømpared tø his øther fast møvements. “Can’t, I have a calculus test I need tø study før.” I explained adjusting my bøøkbag as the bus pull up. I was the first persøn tø get øn and I sit in the frønt seat and let the heat hit my ankles and Mikah sits next tø me putting his brøwn hair in a messy bun. “Yøu always can’t.” He cømplained. “Sømeøne has tø study før the bøth øf us.” I nøte smiling at him. He løøks away biting his lip. “Yeah true.” He muttered løøking at his nails. “Hey, døn’t sad abøut it we can gø øn Tuesday, I heard that it’s five bucks that day.” I said rubbing his back. “I, I’m nøt bent øut øf shape ør anything Beau I just wørried that yøu’ll study yøurself tø death.” He said ruffling my curls. “Rather die in a university where I gø there før free.” I cømment øpening my bøøk bag tø checking før everything. Mikah takes øne earbud øut øf my ear and put in his. “Ahhhhh.” I grøaned in frustratiøn and then biting my lip. “I left my damn prøject at høme again.” Frustratiøn is heavy øn my breath a løøk øut the windøw watching the høuses in the distance. “Here.” He said pulling øut his phøne fiddling in his phøne. I pull my phøne øut øf my øveralls when it dings. “Yøu tøøk a picture øf it?” I asked a bit tø accusingly. “Um yeah I saw it and nøw it’s kinda...øf my screensaver.” He said nervøusly scratching the back øf his neck. I raise my brøw but ignøring the situatiøn’s awkwardness. “Thanks Mikky.” I said rubbing his shøulder and emailing it tø my art teacher. He nøds in a løpsided smile I løøk away when the staring get tøø løng.

    Mikah has been acting a bit weird lately ever since that øne time he came øver that øne time and we watched a møvie øn Netflix and I fell asleep øn his chest. Ever since then he wøuld ruffled my hair, being møre prøtective øf me etcetera. “Yøu’re a great friend.” I said beføre peering øver the driver seat. “Sø are yøu.” He mumbled and then the bus turns intø the bus pørt. We begin tø fill øut øf the bus intø schøøl. “Are yøu eating breakfast?” He asks leisurely pøinting at the cafeteria shrugging I went with him grabbing a parfait and sitting døwn. I dumped the granøla prøvided and casually ate my parfait bøwl.

    “Hey what cøløgne dø yøu use?” He asked øut øf the blue, I løøked up, he brøke me frøm my daydream. “I, I døn’t where any.” I said ønce I put the spøøn in my møuth. “I’m trying tø get a date.” He said and sømehøw I think that has a sentence in between the wørds. “Sø yøu want tø smell like me?” I snørt flicking my empty spøøn at him. “Nah, Charlie is bøøshie and I am trying tø see if he buys yøu anything yøu døn’t use.” He says tøø fast almøst defending himself.  I laugh aløud. “He buys peach shampøø and bødy wash.” I explained. “I am very masculine Mikah sø I døn’t think my stuff wøuld get yøu any ladies.” I nøted blushing a bit. “Whø said I wanted ladies.” He said raising a brøw. “Yøu are as straight and machø as they cøme.” I said nøw ruffling his hair and he rølled his eyes. “Yøu aren’t?” He teased but I cøuld have swørn his ears pricked up when I said “they.” “I am wearing øveralls, have twø gay dads, listen tø Bøn Iver and I am an Art Høe.” I said with a laugh but Mikah løøked cønfused. “I am at least Bisexual, Mikky.” I cømmented smirking a bit tø myself beføre taking øne last spøønful øf the yøgøurt  putting my chin in my hands, løøking at the wall with øur schøøl’s mascøt. He turned a bit red før søme reasøn. “Yøu like me ør sømething?” I asked løøking straight at him. and he sømehøw became even redder. “Uh, I. uh, nø, I mean…” The bell rings as I laughed. “Time tø gø tø the first circle.” I teased beføre walking away and I sømehøw felt as thøugh he watched me gø.

Part 2

    The sky øverhead is dark and milky cømpared tø the harmless føg frøm early this mørning. If this mørning was there was a campfire and nøw it’s finally being put øut. Three birds the same shade øf øbsidian watch the øver the tøwn with their name’s sake. The sky is swøllen frøm the flame and it begins tø cry, it’s hitting the windøws øutside the schøøl.

…

Løøking øut the windøw is always has been my past time, my neighbør’s well they’ll pick føøtball ør baseball ør sømething else that’s American, white, and small tøwnish. “Beau, la Terre à Beauregard?” Earth tø Beau? I hear and I turn my eyes frøm the windøw and tøwards my French teacher. “Hmm.” She døesn’t really bøther me because thanks tø Charlie ør Charles whø’s dad is French I grew up with it practically being my first language and even dream in French. “Quelle?” What? I asked pølitely. “Wait this kid just spøke French?” Sømeøne whispered but nøt enøugh frøm the table øver. “Nøthing, class is abøut tø end yøu shøuld put yøur things away.” She explained and I løøked døwn at my desk which I was trying tø ørganized. I shuffled my things intø my bag accørdingly and smiled at her as the bell rung. “Merci.” I thank her as I adjust my bøøk øn and head før the døør beføre she støps me and I watch all my peers fill øut. “Øui?”I asked smiling døwn at her which is nøt cømmøn in my situatiøn. Being 170.18cm puts yøu at a disadvantage especially during Freshman and Søphømøre year øf high schøøl par exemple, øne time I wøre a white berat tø schøøl and was called Smurfette før a week because øf my blønde hair and that wasn’t fun and even wørst Mikah gøt Charlie intø it and he kept call me La Schtrøumpfette før a mønth. “Nøthing, gø tø yøur next class.” She said as if changing her mind and I exit øut intø the hallway. Passing the øther students I make my way døwn the steps. “I shøuld take the breeze way, s’use me.” I first mumble tø myself then say as I curve past a guy with dark hair as he is gøing up. “It’s-” He began tø say but I was already pushing the døør tø get the class. I take the handicap ramp having tø lean øn the railing because I was a bit øut øf breath, it separates the rest øf the schøøl frøm the art department, gym and cafeteria. With a quick change øf mind abøut hitting the breezeway I walk intø the Phøtøgraphy røøm greeted Ms. Hentzel the øther art teacher and slipped intø my art røøm. Izzie and Lea my art friends were talking abøut sømething as I cøme in. “Beau, Izzie is trying tø tell me that Papa Jøhns has the best pizza.” Lea nøted crøssing her arms at a annøyed Izzie. Izzie straighten her faux glasses. “Isn’t there øther things better tø think abøut than Papa Jøhn's pizza?” I asked, I hear Leshøck my art teacher turn arøund.

She snørted, “Nø, nøthing’s better than pizza and especially Pete’s Pizza near Nørth Market in Wilmingtøn.” She cømments spinning her chair a little her cøwgirl bøøts clicking a bit as she døes it. “Mmm never had it.” Izzie explained tøuching her buzz cut that was beginning tø grøw øut absentmindedly tøuched a small bit øf hair.

“What lunch dø we have.” Kenny anøther phøtø student asked as I gø tøwards the back intø the cømputer lab which is small and cramped ønly fits six and a very shitty printer. “Hey, Beau is my keys back there?” Leshøck yelled because she was in the frønt øf the class. I picked them up and shøwed them tø her thrøugh the windøw like øpening and tøss them tø Izzie tø give tø her. I sit døwn øn the cømputer øpening Adøbe Phøtøshøp ready when I hear the rest øf the øur little family cøme intø class as the bell finally rings. Grace, Tyler, and Maria and finally a bit after with a pass Karah and Chløe.

It turned øut we had third lunch and we basically did a critique øn øur art prøject. I sit øn the back trying tø find the phøtø før myself. “Beau yøur next!” Leshøck yelled, her wørds mumbled because she was eating pretzels. “Um, yøu didn’t get my email?” I asked peering up thrøugh the øpening øf the wall. She had her back turned when I asked since we were having a student critique. “Nø? Let me check, last night was hectic.” She said and with the typing øf her keys she searched. “Mmm, here I’ll put it up.” She said pøpping anøther pretzel intø her møuth. I sign øut øf gøøgle and walked intø the frønt øf the classrøøm. The swirls øf blue lines and ørange ønes that tøøk førever tø get øff my face and hands. “Yøu went øn an abstract røute, it’s very strøng and prømising.” Lea cømmented she laid øn the black table the art easels were push tøwards the frønt in the cørner. Her bøøts hit the table again when she let øne løse frøm being up. “Yeah beføre yøu were very passive at first I cøuldn’t believe that yøu were a Leø but it’s written all øver this øne.” Grace cømments, “Where’s the ØG?” She asked.

“At høme, I uh kinda øf førgøt it, it’s literally øn my desk near my artbøx.” I explained putting my hand øn my førehead silently kicking myself. I hate the times when I førget sømething and knøw exactly where it is and I just can’t get tø it. “I’ll bring it tømørrøw first thing.” I said and Leshøck shøøk her head. “If yøu want me tø keep it then sure.” She said gøing back tø her desk and pretzels. I rest my hand øn my upper arm and bit my lip. “Anything else?” I asked. “Nah nøt because bad I just want tø talk abøut the transfer student yøu wøn’t guess whø!”  Karah’s møuth was a speeding bullet. “What YA nøvel am I in?” Grace asked løøked at windøw at the cøntainer like sky. “The Søleil Bishøp’s søn yeah we get it, the Edward Cullen øf the damn the schøøl høw cliche can yøu fucking get.” Kenny cømmented. “Language.” Leshøck chimed typing øn her cømputer as she freezes the screen. I løved høw she didn't care that we were øff task. “Sørry.” Kenny cømmented. “Fine,” She said. “Why did he transfer tø øur schøøl? Døesn’t gø tø that cult schøøl his dad runs?” Maria asked øn her phøne. “Øh yeah, they dø have that all that øn the øther side øf tøwn. I thøught they were Amish.” I cømmented. “Nøt by the way they dress, they all løøked fresh frøm plastic valley even his last name is creepy.” Grace laughed. “Isn’t I S sømething?” Kenny asked. “I think it Iscari ør Iscariøt.” She said laughing beføre Leshøck turned her chair arøund and picked up her chalk and walk tø the supply cløset. “Since we are øff task why døn’t we turn øn an Ansel Adams døcumentary sø that if søme administratør cømes in I døn’t get fired and yøu can write thirty facts abøut it før extra credit if yøu pay attentiøn.” She said and it made me laugh as she writes sømething døwn før her next class.

Rest øf class went øn like that except før the fact that nø øne tøøk her øffer but Grace and I.

When the bell rings we have an advantage we ønly cømpete with the gym and the band and chøir kids før the line. Since it was Meatless Mønday I grabbed søme vegan møzzarella sticks and marinara sauce. I ate idly as Izzie and Lea filled in in frønt øf me. They were talking abøut sømething that Dønald Trump did which surprises me that they are still sømehøw shøcked. Then I remember that Izzie’s dad hated Hillary and wanted tø at least vøte and Lea had a hate før Trump that was deeper than the ninth circle øf hell. When my saviør Mikah shøwed up next tø me. “Why y’all arguing like that cøuple frøm Call Me By Yøur Name?” He asked laughing beføre biting a chip. “Døn’t even get me started with møvie it was sø gøød that had Charlie and Gryff take me twice.” I laughed and Mikah smiled that smile again and I løøked at my unappetizing tray again. I cøuld feel him shrugging his shøulders at them because he was sø cløse. “Dø yøu wanna see again I knøw sømeøne øn Tumblr whø has the link tø it.” Mikah øffered with a smile. “I rather watch øn DVD ør Netflix.” I said a bit tøø assertively. “Sørry.” He said and he rubbed my back wørrily. “Are yøu feeling økay?” He asked and I nødded. “Yeah, um.” I said feeling slightly uneasy like the way yøu feel when sømeøne is watching. I løøked up but nø øne was staring. “I’m gøing tø gø um, use the restrøøm,” I said getting up and I cøuld see Mikah cøntemplating gøing with me. “Aløne.” I said quietly beføre heading øut øf the cafeteria and intø the men’s røøm which was a døørway between the trøphy hallway and wørk-øut røøm.

I didn’t used the urinal because I’m wearing øveralls and sø I peed and washed my hands and walked øut but I decided tø sit øut at the benches. I knew that Mikah wøuld cøme øut with my bag when I came øut. I usually hate that he døes this but nøw it’s cønvenient. I need time tø think right nøw like thøse cigarette breaks peøple at my wørk take øutside and in the back øf øur cøffee shøp. Løner breaks I wished thøse existed, intrøvert breaks man. I take a deep breath and stared øut at the windøw at the littler flurries starting tø hit the wet grøund futility. I watched as they hit grøund øf the øld smøking area frøm the nøw milky gray sky øutside dissølving like salt intø water. I didn’t even nøtice peøple passing when I see my beaten up JanSpørt yelløw that is smøther with light blue dried paint in my face. “Beau? We are gøing tø be late før class.” He said nødding Izzie and Lea øff. The dismissal bell før all classes rings. “I døn’t want tø.” I said in a løw vøice, I døn’t why but I just felt drained all øf a sudden. “I think that yøu are cøming døwn with sømething.” he said sitting nøw next tø me and I put my head øn my knees. “I’m fine I just feel a bit wavy.” I said hearing the crashing in my ears. “Wavy?” He asked, cønfused. “Like waves crashing in my ears.” I said with a mixture øf wørds, a grøan and whimper. “I think that yøu are cøming døwn with sømething.” He said rubbing my head which was beginning tø thrøb. ‘Yøu shøuld gø høme especially with the fact that yøu have calculus next.” He jøked, he was trying tø cheer me up but I was getting dizzier by the secønd. The secønd bell rings før the start øf class. “Yøu wanna gø tø the nurse?” He asked, his vøice søft as I hear him put my bag døwn.

He’s hesitant but he begins tø rub my head but I felt tøø weak tø shrug it øff. “Did yøu laced my strawberry milk ør sømething?” I asked half-jøkingly. “Yøu’re slurring that’s it I’m, taking yøu høme.” He said trying tø help me up. I laugh a bit. “That’s is exactly...what a persøn whø laced sømeøne’s...milk wøuld say.” He laughed but it had a nervøus undertøne and I felt myself being half carried mainly because he didn’t want tø manhandle me. Heading døwn the ramp and intø the øffice he sat me døwn and because we are upperclassmen he signed us bøth øut and explained what went døwn sø his parents and mine wøuldn’t kill us. He called Gryffin because he knew that Charlie wøuld baby me tø death. I leaned my head against the green windøw and waited før øne øf my knights in shining armør tø take me høme. I hear the ring øf a bell a støpping øf feet my eyes are cløsed. “Is she økay?” A breathy deep disembødied vøice asked in a bit nervøus tøne as he rustled søme papers. “He’s fine, døn’t wørry abøut him.” Mikah said assertively enunciating my gender. I nudged my head a bit feeling a bit lighter. “S, s,sørry I  didn’t mean anything by it.” He said his vøice slightly løsing it’s breathiness I cøuld almøst feel his hands up beføre I hear the bell øf the main øffice ring. “Bigøt.” Mikah mumbled as he sits døwn and I rested my head øn his shøulders. “Gø get ‘em tiger.” I said smiling weakly. “My øwn persønal SJW.” I chuckled. “Yeah.” He said, “Yøur accent is thicker.” He chuckled, “Salut.” I said lingering the “u” a bit. “Salut.” He repeated. “Maybe salut will be øur always.” I said øpening my eyes a bit. “I knew a saw that bøøk in yøur bag.” He said smirking. “Yeah I have a thing før dying peøple.” I said, “Well I guess I dø tøø.” He said and før a secønd I didn’t knøw what he meant. “Dø yøu have tø wørk tønight?” He asked letting me rest my head øn his lap. “Mmmm nø, thank the Sun.” I said with as I hear a light buzzard. “Beau?!” Gryff half shøuts. “I’m fine, just the bad cafeteria føød and Mikah lacing my strawberry milk.” I jøked as I hear him lifting up my bøøkbag and adjusting it. “What?” He asked cønfused but he wasn’t asking me but Mikah. “Nøthing, hey can yøu take me høme? I’m already signed øut.” Mikah asked his bøøk bag in hand as Gryff helps me up. “Are yøu dying and needs tø gø bed as søøn as he gets høme?” Gryff asked. “Nøøøø, but I am the kid whø is friends with that guy and cønvinced him tø gø høme.” He said shrugged with his arms up. “Yeah I’ll take yøu høme, cøme øn, but yøu have tø help get this little bird tø bed.” He explained. “Sure!” He said søunding a little tøø excited.

Øn the way høme I was in the back seat lying døwn when Gryff støps at Panera pøssibly tø get søme søup and tea tø make feel better later when Mikah spøke up. “I’d never seen yøu like this, never.” He said and I øpen my eyes he was løøking at me thrøugh the rearview. “Yøu...shøuldn’t mess with that he...needs it tø see.” I cømmented sløwly. He adjusts it quickly and turned arøund tø me his blush beginning tø fade. “When I was little I was like this aløt.” I mumbled thinking abøut my møm. “Nø, never nøt even when we were kids.” He said. “Nø, beføre I was adøpted...I used tø get sick like this...um a løt and that’s why I gøt adøpted my møm cøuldn’t...um take care øf me anymøre.” I said cløsing my eyes again. I can feel him staring. “What did she løøk like?” He asked, “I knøw Gryff is yøur birth dad and all.” He said. “I...løøk like her møre.” I said which was true that's where my anemia cømes frøm. “But she’s a bit albinø.” I said letting øne øf my arms hang øver. “I have her eyes and her lips.” I mumbled my vøice getting a bit søttø vøce. “I bet she’s pretty.” He said absentmindedly. “She is what I remembered øf her.” I said sighing beføre I heard the døør øpen. “Høld this Mikah.” Gryffin said giving it tø him adjusting his mirrør and buckling his seatbelt and starting the car. “Where’s my Panera mac and cheese?” He asked and Gryffin løøks at him. “Dø yøu have Panera møney?” There was a silence in the car. “Didn’t think sø yøu have føød at høme. Yøu’re dad always sømewhere bragging abøut it.” He snørts pulling øut øf the parking løt. “Ugh, cøme øn.” He cømplained hitting the hørn. “Karma.” Mikah sung underneath his breath. “And I was gøing tø get søme chicken nuggets frøm acrøss the street.” He said finally pulling øut øf the løt.

“I’m sørry!” Mikah shøuted and Gryffin laughed. “I’m kidding, I wasn’t gøing tø get any, anyway.” He explained. He did anyway. When we arrived tø øur høuse Gryffin held me with bøth arms. They carry me up intø my røøm which was a bit redundant but hey I like being carried like a three year øld. He laid me øn my bed. “Take his shøes and søcks øff and yøu might as well get the øveralls tøø.” Patting him øn his back when he leaves I almøst hear him gulp. “I...can help.” I said fumbling at my buttøns. He shøøed my hands away and went før it. I tried nøt møve tøø much as he pulls them øff I take øff my shirt. I shivered a bit because my cømførter was gøne. When Gryff cømes back he thrøws my cløthes in the laundry basket. He put me in a warm øne piece and help up tø bed and tuck me intø my warm cømførter. “Thanks.” I mumbled beføre passing øut.

It was dark øut when I wøke up and I see nest øf brøwn hair beside me in the light øf the størage place in the backyard. I rubbed the head and the head raises and smiles lazily. “Døn’t scare me like that.” Charlie whispered, weariedly smiling at me rubbing my head. “Just fainting spell.” I whispered back sitting up. “I knøw that I’m høt as hell but I am still an ølder man.” He said with a chuckle. “I wørry abøut yøu and I døn’t want yøu tø relapse, yøu went tø bed late didn’t yøu?” He asked and I avøid his eyes. “Beau, yøu can’t fatigue yøur bødy like that.” He said, “I had tø finish my art prøject.” I try tø excuse myself, pushing øff the sheet wishing my stømach tø grøwl før a cue. “Whø put yøu in that ønzie?” He laughed. “I døn’t remember getting undressed and I døn’t remember putting it øn.” I said scratching my head, “Yøu’re prøbably starving let's get yøu søme føød.” He said helping me up.

We sat in the dark, Gryff went back tø wørk the ønly søund between us is the søund and light cøming frøm øur micrøwave and øur støves burners that are øn keeping the høuse warm. I sit in the seat that I sat in this mørning turning a bit in the støøl. I just watch the reflecting metal øf the sink’s faucet. My blønde hair seem yelløwer because øf the light frøm the micrøwave. My mind drifts øff tø a wøman with pale løng lashes and full lips. “Charlie.” I said løøking at him whø began tø fill water up in the tea kettle. “Yes?” He said løøking back at me and then giving a quick glance at the micrøwave which had abøut a minute and søme change left. “Why did she leave me?” I asked my vøice nøw breathy, and his eyes widen beføre relaxing and taking a breath. “Marie løved yøu and still løves yøu. I knøw that she cøuldn’t take øf yøu, I døn’t knøw what...she was thinking at the time...but it was a hard løøk øn her face when she handed yøu øver.” He said and the micrøwave beeps right beføre I have the chance tø say anything. He didn’t see that I was gøing tø talk. Her name is Marie… I drøp the cønversatiøn because I already think that he had his quøta Beau tøday. He places the cøntainer in frønt øf me and a bøttle øf høt sauce. I hear a døør slam an headlights fading and then the crackle øf peebles øf øur driveway.  “Gryff’s høme.” He said sitting the tea kettle øn the støve. I hear the cøld water sizzle øn it a bit as I watch hug in the reflectiøn øf the kettle and før a secønd I felt as thøugh my life was a videø and sømeøne was watching. My eyes møved tø windøw nøthing. I smell my føød again and I løøk døwn at it and smiled and eating it watching Gryff helping Charlie get the cups før the tea. I smiled as I ate watching my small little family’s life. “Ugh! the tea kettle is taking førever tø bøil.”