An old man meets two bright-eyed youths in a park. His world-weary cynicism battles with their naive optimism. Eventually, their conflicting perspectives reach common ground over something deeper.
ACT [I] SCENE 
TWO BOYS, BILLY AND CLINTON, ARE SITTING IN A PARK. THERE IS A PARK BENCH, A CEMENT PATH AND STREET LIGHTS TO INDICATE AS SUCH. THE BACKGROUND SHOULD DISPLAY A TYPICAL PARK WITH GREEN LAWN, TREES, AND PEOPLE USING THE PUBLIC SPACE. THE BOYS ARE CARVING WHISTLES WITH POCKET KNIVES WHEN THE DISHEVELLED OLD MAN, MERV, APPROACHES THEM.
MERV: What are you boys making?
BILLY: We're carving whistles.
MERV: Carving whistles? What are they teaching you kids these days?
CLINTON: (ABRUPT, DISRUPTING THE FLOW OF CONVERSATION) My dad says you're a gay cunt
MERV: Do you want to see how he found out?
CLINTON: (TO BILLY) See, he's a pear-adactyl.
BILLY: The word's pterodactyl, the P is silent.
MERV: The word you're looking for is paedophile anyway.
BILLY: Yeah, because you'd fucking know.
MERV: What do they blood teach you in those schools, you don't even know how to talk.
CLINTON: I know enough to scream if you come near me, old man.
MERV: Like I'd want to touch you, I have better taste than that.
BILLY: Is it me you want then? Pull anything and I'll have the police on you.
MERV: And you think I won't be punching your prostate by the time they get here? The joke will be on you. I might go to jail for 20 years, but you'll be in therapy for life.
CLINTON: You wouldn't be able to get me, because I'm not gay.
MERV: You think you're straight now. By the time I'm done with you, your dick will look like a slinky.
BILLY LOOKS AROUND THE STAGE, THEN NODS TO BOTH CLINTON AND MERV.
BILLY: I think everyone's gone. We've scared them off.
MERV LOOKS AROUND TO CONFIRM, THEN REACHES INTO HIS SATCHEL AND PULLS OUT TWO SMALL BAGS
MERV: (TO THE BOYS, TAKING ON A MORE CONVERSATIONAL TONE) All clear? Alright boys, what can I get you?
BILLY: I'll just take my regular, I'm not looking for anything special.
CLINTON: I don't care, as long as I can get a kick out of it.
MERV: I know you're easy going, but that's not very helpful for me. I need to know what you want so I can tell my doctor and get the prescriptions. Do you want something with a bit stronger this time?
CLINTON AND BILLY REACH INTO THEIR POCKETS AND PULL OUT SOME MONEY. THEY HAND IT TO MERV WHO EXCHANGES IT FOR THE SMALL BAGS HE PULLED OUT BEFORE. HE COUNTS THE MONEY AND GIVES THEM BOTH CHANGE.
MERV: You're a bit lighter this week, Billy. I usually give you more change than that.
BILLY: (SHY/EMBARRASSED) It's my dad. He drank more of his pay before I could get to it.
MERV: How long after pay day did you raid his wallet?
BILLY: I did it this morning since we were coming to meet you.
MERV: When does he get paid?
MERV: Then you've got to jack his wallet on Thursday evening. The great thing about derro types is they always operate in cash. Chances are he'll go and drink some of it away with his workmates on Thursday, so you'll never be able to get all of it. But jack it Thursday evening and he'll just think he drank away what you took.
CLINTON: (TO BILLY) Look at this guy with a fucking dad. I just snatch my mum's child support, it's meant to be for me anyway.
BILLY: (TO CLINTON) It's overrated, trust me.
CLINTON: (TO MERV) I need stronger shit though. I'm always buzzing on something these days. I swear, if I'm ever sober around my mum I'm going to fucking kill her.
MERV: See, people would want to put me away for the shit I do. When you say things like that it feels more like a public service.
CLINTON: Man, if you ever got put away I'd crash harder than a church roof in Chile.
MERV: That would make for a long day, mourning would go all week.
THE BOYS SIT THERE STARING AT MERV, THEY DON'T GET THE JOKE.
MERV: What do they teach you at bloody school anyway?
BILLY: (INQUISITIVE) Why do we have to pretend you're a paedophile before we can buy stuff off you?
MERV: (HOLDS UP TWO FINGERS) Two reasons: One- police don't like to investigate paedophile cases, they'd rather just wait and mark it down as suicide. (HOLDS UP ONE FINGER) And B- paedophiles get more lenient sentences than drug dealers, because all judges are paedos. You remember what to do if I get put away, right?
CLINTON: We've got to send you pictures of our arseholes-
BILLY: (CUTTING OFF CLINTON) And tease with a bit of scrote.
MERV: Then I'll palm them off to the judge, and he'll probably get me off for good behaviour. Alright, so I'll tell the doctor I've got my regular recurring arthritis, and what do you want? I might tell him I'm getting some serious back pain.
CLINTON: As long as I can snort it or shoot it, I don't care.
MERV: Are you boys into needles already?
BILLY: Not yet, but there's this homeless guy who hangs around our school trying to sell them. He says he's selling them cheap because they've only been used once.
MERV: What have I told you boys about needles? If you're ever going to use them, don't fuck around with used shit, buy clean.
CLINTON: We know, because of diseases and shit.
MERV: Not just that- you'll die- and I'll lose two customers.
BILLY: What are we, like your grandkids or some shit?
MERV: Well, I wouldn't resent you if you didn't have any money... actually- I would. You're more important than grandkids, you're customers.
CLINTON LOOKS OVER TO THE SIDE OF THE STAGE AND MOTIONS TO THE OTHERS.
CLINTON: Hold on, an old lady's coming to sit down.
MERV: I better get on then.
MERV STARTS TO SHUFFLE OFF TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE STAGE. THE BOYS LOOK AROUND, MIMING THE PRESENCE OF ANOTHER PERSON AT THE PARK. AS MERV APPROACHES THE END OF THE STAGE BILLY CALLS OUT AND MERV STOPS TO TURN AROUND TO THEM AGAIN.
BILLY: Suck my dick old man!
MERV: Fucking come over here then!
MERV NODS TO THE BOYS, THEY NOD BACK. MERV THEN SHUFFLES OFF STAGE.