i lost myself
somewhere in the darkness.
written in the journals on the shelf,
the words narrate the stress.
i never showed
the way i felt.
with my mind at a crossroad
and all the hidden welts.
i never could be real
because i had to hide the truth.
i thought i would heal
but i just dealt with the ruth.
i'll let happiness stray.
okay is the one thing i am not.
because i know one day
the blood will clot.
on my mind.
My mind is a messy place filled with made-up conversations.
It's full of memories and stories that I tell too much
and sadness and fear.
Mistrust, miscommunications, and misgivings.
My mind is a scary place filled with the things I read.
It's full of memories and stories that I hear too much
and worry and nervousness.
My mind is a troubled place with the things I wrote.
It's full of memories and stories that I don't tell
and journal entries and hidden emotions.
My mind is a safe place with the secrets I keep.
It's full of memories and stories that I can't tell
and tears and loneliness.
My mind is the only place I can feel safe in.
No one can see the things I have hidden
and the scary things I know.
SOMETIMES, I wish I wasn't afraid of the dark.
The loneliness lingers.
My head spins.
It sinks deeper and deeper into these thoughts.
SOMETIMES, I wish I could let go.
The fear remains.
My curiosity grows.
The questions keep coming and coming.
SOMETIMES, I wish I could disappear.
The worry stays.
My anxiety strengthens.
The holds tighten and tighten.
SOMETIMES, I wish it would all go away.
SOMETIMES, it does.