darkness.

 

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thoughts

i lost myself

somewhere in the darkness.

written in the journals on the shelf,

the words narrate the stress.

 

i never showed

the way i felt.

with my mind at a crossroad

and all the hidden welts.

 

i never could be real

because i had to hide the truth.

i thought i would heal

but i just dealt with the ruth.

 

 

i'll let happiness stray.

okay is the one thing i am not.

because i know one day

the blood will clot.

 

 

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on my mind.

My mind is a messy place filled with made-up conversations.

It's full of memories and stories that I tell too much

and sadness and fear.

Mistrust, miscommunications, and misgivings.

 

My mind is a scary place filled with the things I read.

It's full of memories and stories that I hear too much

and worry and nervousness.

 

My mind is a troubled place with the things I wrote.

It's full of memories and stories that I don't tell

and journal entries and hidden emotions.

 

My mind is a safe place with the secrets I keep.

It's full of memories and stories that I can't tell

and tears and loneliness.

 

My mind is the only place I can feel safe in. 

No one can see the things I have hidden

and the scary things I know. 

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sometimes,

 SOMETIMES, I wish I wasn't afraid of the dark.

The loneliness lingers.

 

My head spins. 

It sinks deeper and deeper into these thoughts.

 

SOMETIMES, I wish I could let go.

The fear remains.

 

My curiosity grows.

The questions keep coming and coming.

 

SOMETIMES, I wish I could disappear.

The worry stays.

 

My anxiety strengthens.

The holds tighten and tighten.

 

SOMETIMES, I wish it would all go away.

SOMETIMES, it does.

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there are lies.

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i'm not the same

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i'm not sure

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girl in the mirror

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like you don't pretend.

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i grew up too fast.

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i'm happy alone.

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~

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