Waking like this! I can feel again.. and its not pleasant!!!
Not even 10 mins awake.
Palms sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy, there was vomit already... (YES I QUOTED EMINEM)
Anything? Scraps.. left overs?! *sniff*
Need to roll a joint!! Wanna stay in bed.. Not deal.. not put on a fake face..I can't!! :'(
No choice... dressed, mask on.. having a cigarette.. building up the nerve or wasting time?
Lets do this!! Can make it thru the day!! You can deal with it.. you've done this for more than a decade and some!! Bring it on..
Chills.. lost.. mind wandering..
Work? not interested.... why couldn't I have been born with a trust fund?!!
Wanna scream!! Chaos.. thoughts scattered, stomach turning... why is not 5pm yet?
this was only for those few days.. back to consuming..
Couldn't put on a face today.. did not see myself doing 8 to 5..clear the emails..make a plan.
more to come....
Plans... motivation... none what so ever!!
okay, not sure how to keep this...
might be poems.. might be whats in my head... might just be a live update.. might be everyday... might not!
lets see how we keep...
excuse given for work.. just to one grumpy old man!
haiii.... deep sigh..
back to bed? game? the news on tv.. talking about Trump. Not really interested hey..
Game it is...
10am... Gamed!! For Honor... had a good run!!
thinking to go to the pool...
12pm... Had a topz breakfast... chatted with friends/family..
Found another who cancelled today!!
watching brokyln 99; not bad..
1215pm... what now? :s
216pm... stealer of thunder!! the buzz is gone!! stone cold sober.. not what i like..
cant do this..
545pm... got things done.. went to the doctor.. did groceries..
fuck!! hate being sober..I'm out and only got booze left!!
HAHAHAH!! fuck my luck... had left behind enough to roll 1 last one for the day...
already opened a beer... might as well make a evening out of it.
945pm... 1-1/2 beers, 1 joint... light dinner.. time to call it a day!
Why? What is the need to be intoxicated all the time?
This Numbness...a feeling I've learnt to enjoy,
The only way I can keep my sanity.. in this life of solitude...
Solitude i did not wish for... Solitude that's slowly killing, draining my soul.
Already only a shell of the person I was... Hate this.. day in.. day out...
Sit here, wishing those people i enjoy were closer... A chat, a silent conservation, a hug..
Too much to ask?