This is a collection of fanfiction shorts within the game Star Wars: The Old Republic (SWTOR). In them my main, Crimsèn Hevilas, develops feelings and becomes involved with Theron Shan. Crimsèn (Crim from now on) is a Sniper/Imperial Agent who I christened as Cipher 8 at his inception, since I ain't taking over Cipher 9, and Theron originally worked for the SIS as a spy. Who can resist a cross-faction romance?
These stories take place between the cutscenes beginning with the end of the above mentioned expansion and continuing into Rise of the Emperor (ROE) and Knights of the Fallen Empire (KOTFE). They are written in first-person, most times from Crim's POV and other times from Theron's POV. In it they both come to terms with their feelings for each other and their "past" lives as opposite faction spymasters.
This fanfiction series is not a rewriting of cutscenes, or cut scenes in fanfiction form. I like the cut scenes within SWTOR, especially after the Shadow of Revan (SOR), which came before ROE and KOTFE, so why would I rewrite them?
Enjoy the stories, beginning with I Let You Leave... Why?
Title: To Cipher the SIS
© SWTOR, Theron Shan, Rise of the Emperor, and the KOTFE storyline belong to Bioware, EA, and Disney
All screenshots were taken by the author while playing in-game.
I Let You Leave... Why?
"Two," Crimsen asks, "What do you mean?"
Theron said sadly, "Well, look, there isn't any easy way to say this, but... I mean, we both knew this would have to end eventually... The Republic exonerated me, so I'm back in the fold. And they gave me a new job A big one."
Crimsen replied then, "I guess I can see where this is leading..."
Theron nods. He says sadly, "Soon as we rejoin the fleet and make the jump to light-speed, that's it. No more truce. You and I, we probably won't exchange another word ever again."
Crimsen replies, "Who needs words," before pulling Theron into his arms and kissing him in the darkness of Yavin IV's jungles. Then... they simply parted ways.
I felt his lips against my mouth. I felt him in my arms. His smile, his laughter, his jokes. I loved being with him. He and I are so similar. He works for the SIS, I work for Imperial Intelligence. He and I came from force using families, but we both chose completely different paths. We felt a strong connection, perhaps even love. I could see myself being with him forever. And now he is gone, gone, gone...
I am an agent, I try to tell myself. Love is used as tools in order to get to gain information, get at the right target. I couldn't just talk him into staying as he and I are both going our separate ways. I'm a Cipher, he's back in the SIS now. The fling is over and we're back where we belong.
I hold my hand to my heart, as I feel it almost collapsing. This is not how I wanted this alliance to end. This is not how I wanted Theron to part ways with me. I didn't want him to ever part ways with me. Look at us- He and I were more a like than anyone I have ever met before. Not even my first love can hold a candle to him!
Damn it... I cannot take this. Just when I find a man who understands me, he gets ripped away. And why? Because it was time to go back to a war that for a short time was put on hold. Curse our faction differences! Do they really matter in the grand scheme of things? It's not like the Emperor cares about faction now: He wants to destroy everyone and everything that lives in the galaxy!
If only I had fought more, and showed him I did not care about our differences. Maybe if I told him what I really wanted to say back on Yavin IV, or maybe if I tried to convince Master Shan and Darth Marr that now is not the time for war when we have too big of a common enemy. I didn't. Now Theron is gone and I am once again alone. I pull myself to my chambers, the loneliest room on the Phantom. If only Theron were here to greet me. If only I could see him smile again. And oh... his lips...
I rummage through the tiny fridge and grab some bloodwine. I yank off the cork and just start drinking. It was all I could do to numb the pain. Numb my desires... But I'm a fool as it doesn't work. In fact, it almost makes this worse as I think back on what Theron said. He has no clue of what I really feel. I couldn't admit it because I was a coward and picked the wrong time to start following the status quo.
I remember the last words we spoke to each other: I remember how he said I was a bright spot- a bright spot! And Theron was... bright for me too. Son of a force user, but went a different path. And then to meet up and set aside factional differences aside because there was something greater at stake was amazing. For once I could be open with someone. For once I could just be Crimsèn Hevilas, and shed the Cipher 8 mantle. I had been fighting so long to get rid of it after I reprogrammed my mind away from the Castellan Mind Control. Why did I not emphasize how wonderful it was for us to be together, and that we should not part ways now? Why did I not push for the small possibility that the Empire and Republic need not fight? Well I suppose I can answer the latter question: I am not a diplomat, and only a small segment of both factions were there.
Still, I should have told him something, anything! I did not. Why?
Oh yes, it's because Cipher 8 took over then. The Cipher Agent does that from time-to-time. And in a Cipher Agent's mind it was simply illogical for the romance to continue: I'm Cipher 8 and he's with the SIS. He and I don't have genuine conversations, never mind fall in love. We shouldn't fall in love! It was a nice distraction in the midst of chaos. That's what most of my romances are. It's all they need to be. My heart, the heart behind the Cipher was crying out to me and saying Crimsèn what the kark are you doing??? Why are you letting him go?!
Yet for once I do not want to be the Cipher at all any more. No more Cipher, no more locking my feelings away, no more deception behind a casual flirt. But the realization came too late and now I'm a fool. I am a fool... Theron was so... real to me. Why did I not suggest something, anything? Too long a Cipher, I no longer have the strength to fight for someone any more. Or worse, I have become so cold that love is just a means to an end, and then cast aside when it is not needed anymore, no matter how much I try.
Now I'm back in Sith intelligence and stuck with Lana- Someone who almost resulted in having Theron ripped from me. I should have shot her when I realized she sold Theron out.
This is no good. This behaviour is not befitting a Cipher Agent. Theron is gone and he's not coming back. I need to distract myself; I need to unleash the passions so embodied within me as a sith. I need someone, anyone. But will anyone do any more? Don't care as anyone is all I have now.
I walk out and shout to HK- "HK! Set a course for Nar Shaddaa. Sith intelligence can wait... What gay bars are still open on the smuggler's moon?"
HK-51 replies, "Answer: None stored in my data-banks. However, there is a nice male dancer back on Rishi that I noticed was eyeing you in a way that you programmed me to notice. "
Rishi, where it all truly started. Don't get me wrong, I playfully flirted with Theron on Manaan when we first met. Yet, when we were on Rishi it grew beyond that. I have never worked so closely with an SIS agent, never mind for the same goals. Their spies are well trained and so skilled. In Theron's case, he had such a keen mind, and a better sense of humour than me. His ability to insightfully look into things and see the details for the greater picture almost stripped away faction differences until all I could see was Theron Shan the man, and I think all he saw was the man Crimsèn Hevilas by the end. It all happened on Rishi...
I don't need to go back there! I whirl around and storm up to HK, "NO you stupid droid," I said in a rage, "how dare you suggest I go back there now! What are you some cold, heartless, jealous suitor that wants to remind me of the one who walked away from me?!!! I should have you scrapped!!!!"
HK-51 steps back and says, "Appeasement: But Master, have I not been good to you ever since Lord Noxturna gave me to you as a parting gift?"
I glared at HK and simply tossed my wine bottle at him. It shattered into pieces against the droid. I shouted at the wine-drenched droid, "Clean that up!!! Then set a course for... any gay bar in the galaxy that ISN'T on Rishi nor with the Republic!!"
I walk back to my quarters. I say out loud, "Stupid kriffing droid... Re-phrase that: Stupid kriffing Cipher Agent. I should know better than to find sympathy from a psychotic droid."
It seems I am incapable of doing anything right today: Cannot fight for a man I think I've fallen in love with; can't find a good place to get a date; and I can't figure out that a droid can't feel so he can't give me sympathy.
You know what? To hell with this. A dancer or man-whore on Nar Shaddaa deserves better than my company!
"HK," I said, "When you get done cleaning lets just go to Kaas. Intelligence awaits its rebuilding."
Theron Shan's POV
Wow, what a ride!
I go from a lowly SIS grunt to it's commander in chief. If anyone told me what would happen the moment I started helping with the attack on Korriban, I would have sent them to the medical wing. Yet, here I am and I did it by helping out alongside Imperials. Didn't think that would happen in my time either, but that is the galaxy for you! Thankfully, it is over now and we can go back to our old lives.
Well, sort of our old lives. Lana is the head of Sith intelligence, now. Who knows, maybe I can give her some payback for selling me out to our enemies back on Rishi. I don't care if it got us more information, you do not turn your back on your allies! Shows that Sith are all the same with some differences. Actually, wait, that is not true. There is one sith that stood out the most and may be the one that is out to break all the rules: Crimsèn Hevilas. He's of the sith species, and yet no lightsaber? That must have been hard to pull off. I only got out of the lightsaber wielding business because I have no force awareness. Was that the same for him or is there more to his story?
There must be more if he can still walk with such a stride, and practically showing off the fact his strong and muscular body have so many scars. Did I mention he also has a lot of grace and honour to his stride, too. He actually demanded Lana apologize to me for selling me out! For a spy, I am glad he did not take back stabbing allies very well. All things considered, he was an enjoyable companion, and sometimes I cannot believe what he and I shared.
As I look out the window on the Republic ship, my mind drifts back over the events on Rishi and Yavin IV. I have many fond memories: The laughing with Jakarro, even some of the chats with Lana, and feeling Crim's lips on mine. I also have one... regret? I am not sure. Crimsèn and I were an item I guess. I don't know, I suck at relationships. My last one prior to this ended because I found a note from her that we were done. It doesn't look better on my end that I read the note 3 months after she sent it. See what happens when you become a work-a-holic?
Though I think Crim understood those circumstances. He's the ex-Cipher 8, after all. He has probably had relationships for short periods, had relationships to get information... I mean I only guess that he has. I wonder if he has had trouble finding them since he admitted how not interested in women he is during some of our down time on Rishi? Or did he say it while the 5 of us were having casual conversations? Hard to know.
What I do know is he and I laughed, joked, cried, and kissed. I have used romantic relationships to get me places, but Crimsèn is the first one where I genuinely cared for the person. And I called it off. I told myself it was because the truce is over. He is Imperial; I am Republic. We simply could not continue past Yavin IV. It was a fling, it was not meant to last. Case closed.
And yet here I am, opening it up again. We are agents to our own factions... Why did I not decide to be with him anyway? We could have just met on neutral worlds like Rishi or Nar Shaddaa. No one on those planets care who you're with and our organizations would have been none the wiser. Heck, we could even have worked towards a more peaceful understanding between our own factions.
Oh well, I suppose I will never know what could have happened.
We are now back to our own intelligence agencies. If I seem him again, I probably won't recognize him. Yes, this is for the best. I'm sure we will just look back on this as a nice memory but nothing more. Know what is strange? Crimsèn seemed sad when we last spoke, and I could tell! Couldn't say that about some of the last girlfriends and boyfriends I had. This makes me wonder if his words of understanding were a façade.
They should not be a façade! This is what should happen, what has to happen. Though a part of me hopes I'm wrong and the façade is right. I was proven wrong when I thought I had Crimsèn figured out when I first met him: A duplicity, evil monster with the darkside rolling around on the inside. Yet, I was wrong. Very wrong.
What makes me think I have him all figured out now?
Never Meet Again
The former Cipher 8 couldn’t help but look at his companion underneath the dome with some fondness. Deep fondness. He was with Theron Shan again, a man he still cared for. Deeply. It’s just unfortunate they’re meeting at the end of a world. Ziost is never a good place to meet people, truthfully.
He says in a soft voice, “I… I thought we’d never meet again. It’s nice to be wrong.”
Theron smiled a little at that despite his injuries. He looked down and nodded in agreement: “Despite all the awfulness on Yavin IV, it did have its moments.”
So does Ziost, but like Yavin, moments on Ziost do not last. The Sith Emperor had other ideas than allowing for a pleasant reunion. Darth Vitiate has an entire planet to devour, and he did not let a couple of spies get in his way…
I just watched a planet get swallowed up by a monster. Darth Vitiate was originally a pureblood. I had hoped my people were above such a thing but I suppose not. He initially had red skin. I cannot believe I attempted to serve a man. All those people I interrogated, tortured, helped enslave, among other things were in order to help further his goal. The goal to annihilate every last living thing on Ziost.
Ziost was the planet I received intelligence training from. It is where I became a Cipher. It is where I became the size I am today. On a more adult note it is where I learned to refine my love making skills. And it got destroyed. And not destroyed by a fleet but by the dark side’s master wielder who simply absorbed every last living breath. I went down there again today to pick up the pieces. During that time, I prayed I would not run into Theron’s corpse.
I saw Theron again; it has been months since Yavin IV, and I was convinced I was over him. I was positive I was ready to move on. And there he is. He was battered and bruised, but to me he was just as handsome and as much the agent as when I first met him. In spite of things, I think we both looked at each other fondly. He was more than an old friend, and more than an old fling. And if I just watched his death from the safety of an Imperial ship, I think I would just want to die.
Thankfully, I find nothing. I leave the common soldiers to do their work. I have no interest in aiding in that front. Call me selfish all you like, but I have been wasting my time enough helping an Empire who’s marked so much with betrayal it is impossible to know what about it is trust worthy anymore. And now this.
No, I must find Theron Shan. I have to know he is alive!
Thankfully I have free access to old HQ’s records and computers. I search for over a week- No Theron. I guess Lana Beniko couldn’t be bothered to keep track of one of the SIS’ top men? Nostalgia or incompetence? Sith Intelligence is so much better off now isn’t it?
I leave and sneak to the space just a bit away from Ord Mantel. Yes, I know how to reach Republic worlds. When I was a young Cipher in my 20s, I spent the majority of it in Republic space doing undercover missions. I have all their codes, know all their tricks. And I can use it to find a certain man. I say as I search their archives and frequencies to HK-51, “Any messages for me, HK?”
“Answer: There is a message from Darth Marr’s ship. It claims he is making leads on the location of the Sith Emperor, and we should be ready to leave at any moment. The second message for us to rendezvous at his destroyer immediately.”
I nodded, not really paying attention. I smile as I read the report: Theron is alive! I could go to him… Perhaps comfort him for being in such hot water with his mother and whoever this idiot Chancellor the Republic voted for is. What is it with our factions being controlled by idiots?
I tell HK, “Set a course for these coordinates, HK.” “Advisement: Master, that is not where Darth Marr ordered us to go.” I say, “Darth Marr?” “Answer: Yes, Master. Darth Marr has ordered us to rendezvous with his star destroyer immediately. He was found the Emperor.”
I sighed. I need to find Theron, yet if I go now we could risk the Emperor making another world into Ziost. I said, “Very well, we will go to his ship.” I look at the readings about Theron. I whisper, “Don’t worry, Theron, I will come to you later. But the galaxy needs me now.”
Damn it, damn it, damn it. Administrative leave as Saresh tightens her hand more on things she has 0 experience in. This is not good; this is bad. It became worse when unknown ships appeared over Coruscant out of nowhere. They were neither Hutt nor Empire, but claimed to be part of the Eternal Empire. How many empires does this galaxy need? Obviously the Hutt Empire, Infinite Empire, and Sith Empire weren’t enough.
I remember the attack like it was yesterday.
I was looking up information on the infamous Cipher 8. Seeing an entire world destroyed kicks you in the butt, and makes you realize what is really important. While I was in hot water career-wise, but it doesn’t matter. An entire world got engulfed in flames. I needed to go be with someone. I wanted to be by his side, I needed to be by his side. He’s the only ‘loved one’ I’ve got. Yes, I call him my loved one.
Seeing him on Ziost re-awakened feelings I thought were dormant. His eyes, his determination, his confidence, and his muscles when they are in action… I missed all of that and in the middle of all the chaos I could not help but metaphorically hold onto him. Even if it was a brief minute under the dome. I certainly was not going to let Lana Beniko be my source of comfort- Bruises of bruises, can never forget that. Best of all he let me take the leader of the 6th Line Jedi back to Tython! Not even Lana dared to question him really. She knew there was no way she’d win once his mind was made up. Makes me glad I never had to stare him down before.
Though I feared I would never get to stare at him again. Man is Crim good at covering his tracks—Glad his looks were not what won him the Cipher 8 title. However, I look in other places using the many gifts the SIS let me keep. I was smiling when I saw that he made it! He didn’t die on Ziost. I’ll just send him a message.
Before I knew it the capital of the Republic was in a scale warzone again. It didn’t take us long to fall to Zakuul. Darth Marr was dead, among so many others in the Empire and the Republic. Within months we were all vassals to the Eternal Empire. Amidst the chaos I realized that the SIS was no more than Saresh’s puppet and my mother was not the warrior she once was. No one was and I needed to fight this Empire on my own. So, I walk away and attempt to fight Zakuul on my own.
I also travelled the galaxy to find him. Cipher 8 was missing. It was rumored he was killed along with Darth Marr. I couldn’t believe that. At least not until I saw real evidence.
Finally, after a couple of years of searching, I give up and call Lana. I cannot call my “mother,” as she’d never understand why I was searching for a sith. Not to mention she’s mostly fallen off the face of known space. Glad she can just disappear while chaos ensues. To think I hoped she was better than many Jedi who simply vanish in the face of galactic turmoil. I was certainly not asking any of the clowns among the Republic and the SIS. I could not turn to a senate who clearly has allowed itself to be enslaved to two puppet masters, and the SIS would never help me find a Cipher agent. And if they did I wouldn’t let them, as I will not be the reason Crimsèn ends up in a Republic prison.
To that end, Lana and I meet in one of the few worlds not under Zakuul’s reach. She tries to be friendly: “Theron it is… good to see a friendly face.” I say, “Yeah, I wasn’t actually expecting to make this call but I have no choice. Where is Crimsèn? Please don’t tell me he was killed in action.”
She shakes her head. “He is not dead but he is not on the move either. From my sources, I believe he’s the ‘Outlander’ who killed Emperor Valkorian-- Vitiate’s new corporeal form and then Arcann locked him away in carbonite.”
I widened my eyes at the knowledge. Crimsèn is in carbonite? For the last two years. Crimsèn is the legendary ‘Outlander’ many have whispered about in my travels. The man who killed Emperor Valkorian, which Arcann dubbed an act of war even though they attacked along the edges of the Empire and Republic first. My “lover” was alive but he has no idea I’m searching for him. He has no idea what has been going on, never mind how much time has passed. Would he still remember me? Does he still remember me?
“We have to rescue him,” I said quietly, “We have to rally behind the name! He could be the weak link in Arcann’s chain.”
She nods. continues, “However, we cannot do so recklessly. I know a couple of defectors within Zakuul’s ranks. They have been investigating for me. Theron, I know given our history I have no reason to ask you for any help but I will need your help. You have abilities and methods I do not have.”
I look at her in the eye and I say, “Lana. I will help you. I…” I look down and take a breath and say, “I need to find him, alright? I will help pull together the resources we need to fight Zakuul and end this oppression. I didn’t learn he survived Ziost a couple of years ago, and search the galaxy for him since only to let him die in some carbonite box! I…” I look down as I cannot verbally say the words just yet.
She nodded; was that understanding I saw in her eyes? “Yes, I know. You don’t have to say it out loud, Theron, as I’ve always known. I could sense it and I could see it in the way you two were close back on Rishi and Yavin. Believe me, Theron, you’re not the only one who’s lost a loved one in all this. Help me and I will do everything in my power to help you get Crimsèn back.”
I nodded. We continued talking about planning things. There was so much at stake now. The galaxy was going to hell in a hand basket, and we needed to pull it back and away from the flames. The only way to do that was to try and find enough people from the Republic and Empire to work together, instead of still being at war. Uniting factions is our only hope—I know that and Lana knows that. There has to be more left among the Republic and Sith who know that and are willing to set side infinite differences for the one thing we have in common: Restoring the galaxy away from Zakuul.
After we are done I sit in front of my computer screen. I work away at writing something—a note for if Crim ever gets up. I write it about a dozen times. Then I revise it another dozen times and send it. Then I re-write it all again and send it again. Dunno why I am writing so many drafts to someone who might not ever read it. Yet, I have to write it. I have to let him know that I care for him and I won’t let him walk away again. I have to let him know that I will find him.
I have to find him. Everything and everyone depends on finding him.
3 years later
“It’s going to be a short trip. Might want to start briefing your friend here on what’s being going on the last 5 years. HK, make yourself useful. Check the stabilizers.”
“Five years? Five years… where are my people? Where is my family? Where is Theron?”
Where is that hydro spanner? Why is it dark out already? Does the endless swamp ever see the sun? I make a face. All this ship fixing with the occasional song playing. We need to find a new hobby. Any hobby. I’m tired, I need to go rest.
Search the ship… there is a bed. It’s not made and it is a bit rough but it’ll do. Ever since getting out of the carbonite, I have been running around all day, all week, all month. No time for rest after getting out of my 5-year nap. No time to really process what has happened and no time to even attempt to find those I love. Are any of them still alive? Are my cousins still alive? My adopted parents? What about my grandparents?
So many questions, and they only breed more questions. No wonder I need some rest, among other things. 5 years without any contact and the only man here I have barely met. No contact from him, not even a friendly brush of fingers. Then again I’m not sure I want his touch.
I lay down and breathe deeply, try to relax. I need sleep; the Outlander is a mortal being. He needs his beauty sleep once in a while. More than that he needs to remember what it’s like to be out of hibernation. I am uncomfortable; I remove my shirt, gloves and boots; I re-arrange the pillow and blankets; and I lay back down again.
I glance down at my body—it has some more scars. Must be from Marr’s ship, as I did stumble a bit and got shot at during the battle. It also has markings from the medicines Lana and HK-55 have treated me with. HK-55… He reminds me so much of HK-51, and yet they are different enough that he is not HK-51. Where is my droid? What happened after I told him to flee into hyperspace?
I lay down again and whisper out loud, “Theron…”
I wake up out of carbonite to Lana Beniko. She’s all for the escape, all for saving the galaxy. While I am 100% gay, it would have been nice to get at least a hug from her. Words that it is all going to okay. It would have been nice for her to tell me someone I care for is alive and well. Instead all I get is her berating me for choosing to save the people of the city instead of allowing millions more to die. What can I say, Lana? I developed a conscience over the years.
Theron would have appreciated my choice, like Koth did. Hell, I can see one of my cousins nodding in approval for it. In fact, I can feel their arms around me when they see I am okay. Lana said it verbally, of course, but have you ever been locked away with no contact from anything and anyone? Trust me, verbal affirmations only go so far.
I rub my chest as my eyes drift off a little. My own hands aren’t enough but they’ll do for now. I mutter as waking gives way to dreaming: “Oh Theron, where are you? I’m sorry I didn’t come to you before going to Marr’s ship.” Theron was someone I could’ve turned into my partner. But bad choices and circumstances ripped us a part, and now I do not even know if he is alive. I bet he would have hugged me when I was thawed out. He would have let me touch him for a moment, maybe even briefly kissed me. Instead nothing.
I then see his face in my dreams. “Theron?” Theron smiles down at me and says, “If it isn’t Sith intelligence hard at work.” I smirk and answers, “Hardly working more like. Can’t you see I’m catching up on my beauty sleep?”
He says in a low voice, “Is that a fact? Allow me to ensure your dreams are good ones.”
His face then leans down and kisses me. It was more passionate than the ones we exchanged on Rishi and Yavin. It felt good, I wanted more. I deepened the kisses, allowed my tongue to taste him. His mouth was just like I remembered, so was his warm as I felt his body’s weight over mine. I wanted more… But was he ready for more?
I suppose so as his lips left mine and went down to my neck and then he went lower, and lower. I said, “Theron, you feel soooo good… But are you sure you want to do this? You may have given off the impression that I am the first man you’ve ever even considered being with when we were together all those years ago.”
“Shhhh… Don’t ruin it, sexy. First or not, you need this.” I then feel his mouth below my waistline and I cannot help but let out a moan. The speed picked up more and more. It felt so good to just feel his touch. When I finally came I bolted up with a start. I was alone, and my hand was on my member. I frowned at the warm stickiness all over my hands, chest, and the bed. I hate it when I have such a good dream that doesn’t align at all with my current reality. And what’s worse is…
“What?” Koth says, “What’s so funny?” I hear Lana giggling and said, “Oh nothing; it’s just I think our Outlander is having a good dream.”
I shout towards the door: “HE USED TO BE!!!!! KEEP QUIET OUT THERE!!!!’
They go quiet and then I’m left to be alone. Eventually I do fall asleep and my dreams are mostly of the Emperor and his nice little spot in my head.
I will come to you some how, Theron.