Do you ever imagine where you would be in 20 years? I didn't, but where I am now wasn't what I would ever imagine. 

  November 22,1996 is the day I was brought into this world following behind my twin brother Bennie. We were like most families happy and living life. Me and Bennie were inseparable when growing up we slept together, ate, played, and got into trouble together, He was and will always be my best friend. We also had a older sister Paisley, she was like most older siblings growing up picked on us and loved us! Everything changed once my parents got a divorce, that's when life as I know it would never be the same. 

  When my mom and dad separated they had shared custody of all 3 of us. Everything was as perfect as it could get having your parents separated, but then it happened, The first real memory that will be forever stored in my heart and mind something that I could never forget no matter how hard I try. It was the weekend and my dads weekend I was about 5 it started like every normal day with him, we ate, played then laid down to watch a  movie. That particular night we watch "dude where's my car?" I was the biggest daddies girl so I always curled up right next to him or I use to sit/lay on the side of him he was my protector my rock. I never knew he could do something to hurt me not just for a short time but for as long as I live. As I was laying there he started touching me at first I thought he was just rubbing my back to go to sleep but then his hand kept reeling down lower and lower I didn't know what was going on. Then it happened he touch me where no dad should ever touch his little girl! 

   I didn't know what was going on I was 5 years old he knew I didn't know what was going on! I remember him whispering in my ear "don't tell mommy" to this day his voice still haunts me. The last thing I remember is going into the bathroom with him but after that it's blank I think my mind put a mental block on the worst part! The next day I go back to my moms she's asking how our time was at daddy's Bennie and Pasiley reply with a normal answer. But my reply was "me and daddy had sex" then I walked inside to my room like it was completely normal and fine. He made me think that was normal he made me think he didn't do anything wrong made me think that's what daddies and daughters do I was to young to understand what was going on. I remember my mom crying on the front pouch when I came back outside to go play I didn't know why she was crying I was confused.! Then my grandma showed up I'm guessing because my mom called her because she didn't know probably how to approach me with a big situation like this ! I remember them sitting me down asking what happened and I'd reply like I told mommy . 

    Months go by without me seeing my daddy and going to court and then asking me tons of questions about that night. I didn't understand what was going on all I knew is I missed my daddy why is my mom keeping me from him did I do something wrong to where he didn't love me anymore was he mad at me. I remember one conversation I had with one of the detectives at the court house and it was of them asking me about my body parts where he touch me I remember I called boobs dots which I'm guessing is a place where he touched me also . I remember my mom telling me I use to hide underneath the tables at school and when at court because I was scared of  making someone mad at me and leave me like my dad did . I remember going to these little things with a bunch of other kids while I was younger all I knew is I went there once a week and talked about that once night with my dad. I don't remember the other little kids talking maybe because I was scared and hid under a table the whole time. 

      Years went by at this time I'm about 8 and understand more about what happened when I was younger. At this point I hated my dad for what he did he took my childhood he took something that was suppose to be special to me with a special someone. He wasn't suppose to be my first, he was suppose to be my dad my father my protector. But he failed at that job and decided to choose to leave his little baby girl that loved him more than words could ever explain. He left us with no father, no one to walk me and my sister down the isle to give us away to the man who deserved are love. He left me to think why he would do this to me he made me feel like a was a disgusting waste of this world.

Not done want to see how good this is so far  To know if I should keep going ??