By Kym Kostos

Copyright © 2014 by Kym Kostos

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

ISBN: 978-1500522209

Chapter 1 – When the Bomb Drops

Most of us have all gone through a break-up at least once in our lives. For those who haven’t, you aren’t missing much. The hurt, the regret, the sadness and the feeling of failure are just some things that go along with breaking up a relationship.

Sometimes we see it coming and other times, it is dropped on us like a nuclear bomb. Well, not that drastic, but if you’re the one it’s dropped on, it certainly feels like that world is coming to an end!

Well, don’t fret! The good news is, your world is not coming to an end, in fact there have been millions of people over the centuries who have survived break-ups and moved on to new and better relationships! And guess what? You can too!

Maybe you got that call from your significant other that you “need to talk”, or your partner has cheated on you and fell in love with someone else or things just didn’t work out well with you both and it was a mutual break-up. Even if it’s a mutual break-up on both your ends, the hurt and sad feelings are still there. Because, no matter what, you shared a part of your life with this person and feelings were there, even if they are not there now. You did care for each other at one time or another and maybe you still do. Every situation is different.

No matter what the reason for breaking up was and how your relationship ended, good or bad, the feelings after a break-up are pretty much the one and the same. There is always that feeling of sadness, loss, failure, regret, blame, etc… So many emotions to deal with!

And then there’s the feeling of if you are ever going to meet a new person and if you are ever going to fall in love again. Well, as the saying goes, “When you meet that one person that you spend the rest of your life with, you understand why all the other relationships didn’t work out.” It is so true too!

I was in a relationship for a long time with someone. We had future plans together, talked about all the things we were going to do, and we thought we were soul mates and made for each other. Then one day, I got the message in an e-mail. It was a Dear Jane e-mail letter stating that he had fell out of love with me.

That was my nuclear bomb. Or so I thought it was. I cried. I sat down and ate the gallon of chocolate fudge ice cream, watched romantic movies thinking that I was never going to get my happy ending. Yes, that is a reference to one of the movies I watch while in my sorrow… Pretty Woman. You know, the movie with Richard Gere and Julia Roberts where Julia Roberts plays a Hollywood hooker and meets Richard Gere who is a millionaire and they live happily ever after?

If only life were that simple. Sigh.

Well, I “mourned” for about two weeks and then I decided to get off my ass, shake it off and get back on the saddle. Two months later, I met someone who was more compatible with me. We share so many of the same interests, much more than my last relationship. We laugh together, have deep conversations, watch movies together… a man who likes romantic comedies… I never had that before. And he is very attractive to me. We fell in love instantly and things have never been better in my love life and in his too!

So you see, there is life after a break-up! You just need to gather your wits about you, pull those boot-straps up and stop hosting pity parties for yourself for months!

Now back to where you are at probably right now. Your other half, lover, best friend, the person who you have invested your time in and whom you really believed was your soul mate, has just dropped the break-up bomb on you. Whether it was on the phone, in person, in an e-mail or text (gotta love modern technology, right?) or you found out that they were cheating on you. No matter how you received the news, it’s over between you two. Now what?

Whatever the reason for the break-up, whether it was a committed relationship or marriage that has ended, your whole world has just been blown up. At least it feels that way. You are now experiencing hurt and pain, maybe even some confusion and anger. How dare this person turn your world upside down!

Now, what seemed like days passing quickly have become long drawn out days. How can you get out of bed now? Why do you want to shower or even groom yourself? You feel that there is no reason because the person you used to do those things for is now gone.

There are many things you can do to get yourself through this time of pain and sorrow and feelings of loss and then, yes, move on! Guess what also? Once you have decided to move on, you can learn from this experience, become stronger, grow as a person and become a lot more relationship savvy, believe it or not.

It’s a known fact that break-ups hurt. Often times, even when the relationship has gone sour, we still hold onto it for some reason. In our minds, we know that it is coming to an end soon, but in our hearts we hold on and grasp to that last little strand of hope that maybe it will turn itself around somehow. It’s human nature not to want to fail at something, especially a marriage or relationship. So, our instincts are to hold onto it for as long as we can. We ponder what the other option is; being alone and that scares the hell out of most people.

We don’t want to deal with the loss of a relationship because it not only symbolizes it ending for good, but it also is the end of our shared hopes and dreams for our future with another person. It represents the loss of commitment.

When we first start a relationship with someone, the romance and excitement is at an all-time high and we begin to think and discuss our futures together with the other person. Everything is so beautiful and new. We are high on love and we would never ever dream of that feeling ever ending. But, sometimes it does. You get to know the person better and with that comes flaws. You learn theirs and they learn yours. Healthy relationships accept when the newness is over, but still try to keep the romance alive.

But, when the relationship fails, we start to experience deep-rooted disappointment, anxiety and sadness. It is uncharted territory for us when a break-up occurs in a relationship that we have become used to being in. Your world is disrupted. Your routine has changed. If you shared a home together, your home life changes. Your other relationships change if you shared friends together or spent time with other couples. If you were married, relationships with family members change. Even your own identity changes.

With a break-up, questions of uncertainty in your future occur. How will you survive without your significant other? Will you ever find another person to replace them? Are you doomed to be alone for the rest of your life? To most people, those questions are a lot scarier than staying in a relationship where either of you are unhappy or the relationship has become unhealthy.

Even though recovering from a break-up is hard, you should know that it is important for you to keep reminding yourself that the feelings of hurt and pain will pass and eventually you will survive the loss and you will move on. You just have to be patient.

First you need realize that it’s normal to engage in different emotions. You will feel sad, angry, confused, frustrated and even emotionally and mentally exhausted, which can all be very intense when dealing with them all head on. Stress and anxiety may also come into play due to the uncertainty of your future.

When dealing with these emotions, take into consideration that all the negative feelings will become weaker as time goes on. Sure, they are strong now, but time always heals these emotions.

Be good to yourself and give yourself time to heal. Allow yourself to not function at the best level you were used to. Your heart has just been broken and needs some time to heal. It may be hard to concentrate at work, if you can, take some days off to regroup and rejuvenate yourself. If you have some vacation time coming, use it for healing time.

Also remember, going through a break-up alone can be harder than if you turn to friends and family for support. They can give great advice, moral support, lift up your spirits and comfort you. If you don’t have any family or friends in whom you can turn to, there are always support groups you can attend or online forums and groups you can turn to with members who are going through the same thing as you are and can relate to you. Talking to someone or others is a good thing. Getting those emotions, thoughts and feelings out is better than isolating them. It can also relieve your anxiety and stress levels.