Who are you?......They always ask me this question in interviews. I never reply with a truthful open answer, but more give an answer that they all are content with and pertains to my career. Today however, I will stay true to me and tell you all who I am; want to be and who I am not. My name is Alec Black a 22 year old fashion and editorial male model. However, I am more than just that. I'm southern boy who was born in, North Carolina. My roots run deep and yet no one digs that far into the ground to see me for who I truly am.

Fashion and modeling gives the illusion of perfection. Flawlessness that not even the gods can master; and yet we are compared to just that. Raw emotion, subtle, like the painting of an artist brush, we spark new life to magazine and billboards. We are stillness of emotions and facial expressions; with the art to paint and say a story through our facial expressions and body language; making us captivate our audience in the most alluring way that all believe that we are who they see in a magazine. However, I am more than that; we are more than that. I am a man who has cried; I laugh, I love and sometimes even hate.

Just like you I have insecurities; just like you I have needs; just like you I want to be loved and when I experience lost; just like you I drop to my knees. I dislike invasion of my privacy and yet again I complain not because it's this that allows me relevance. I'm not here to be a role model; although it is an honorable thing to have many admire me; I'm still human.

I make connections like anyone else. I seek to keep those connections and become disheartened when I lose those connections. I battle internally and externally to keep myself grounded so I won't lose who I am internally to the fame.

Yet, it can be very hard to look past the superficial of others and focus on the genuine nature of someone who really sees past all the glamour. My life is more than just the model you see in the magazine. The rebel you seek when you meet me face-to-face. I lust, I love, and I hurt. I hurt a lot; yet I'm also invisible to the naked eye. But, maybe I prefer it that way; maybe I don't. Still, I seek someone who can find me; understand me and realize that my job doesn't define me as a man; it's a part of me; but it isn't me.

Who am I you ask again. I'm Alec Black the reason you are Falling in Love with Fashion and this is my story.

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Thank you for taking the first step in to getting to know Alec Black.

Police sirens sound off loudly while I sit in what had become my favorite lounge chair in my terrace. I see blinking white and red lights in the distance; the loud honking of its annoying siren warning all drivers of its presence.

The cars in its proximity part like the Red Sea; I realize that for two days now; this has been become my sanctuary. I thought I was done with the sleepless nights. Yet, here I am, the observer without my subjects realizing it.

I hear the lovely pedestrians talk loudly, at times even argues as they walk the busy streets of New York City. Some are lovers; holding hands tightly, or leaning against one another as they cross the street together unaware of my presence. Others; friends who laugh and giggle making sure not to awkwardly brush up on one another so things tonight don't move beyond platonic on this inebriated hour.

I sit back into my seat; the awkward heaviness between my index and middle finger makes me glance down at my right hand. There it was; the thing I once had quit taunting me reminding me that right now in weak to it. The Cancer stick sits safely nestled; while it burns slowly with life.

Once upon a time I had quit; now I clench my teeth, and glare at it in disgust. Still, it's the one thing that is holding me like a toxic lover who doesn't know when to finally let go. It wants to comfort you; hold you tightly in hopes of changing you.

Bringing it to my lips, I let it rest between my partially parted lips. I take a deep breath, and take a long pull. I watch as the tip brightly turns orange as it slowly recedes. The toxic poisonous smoke fills my lungs, and although I should be coughing it brings me relief.

I tilt my head back and blow a kiss exhaling the smoke watching each O shape dissipate into thin air. My eyes linger hoping to be greeted with magic of the dark blanket that should be above me.

Instead a pink smoggy blanket that's retaining the city lights in its grasp has smothered the most beautiful part of what should be a blanket filled with twinkling diamonds that should be stars to entice so many to bask in its allure is none existent.

It happened ... I think to myself as I take a pull of my cigarette.

It's something I didn't think would happen, but it has. I had broken up with my best friend ... with the person I thought was my future wife and mother of my children.

It's been a couple of weeks since Jessica and I'm spiraling. No one realizes it, but I'm slowly going to a place where I'm feeling voids in place; of what should be her with woman that aren't fulfilling me. This present isn't a state of healing; this is a state of morning. The sad part is that I haven't mourned. I haven't even cried.

I'm fine ... That's what I tell everyone. That's what I keep telling myself. Denial is a hell of a drug and I was overdosing on it. The case at the moment is that I don't know how to feel. This is the most confusing thing that's ever happened to me. I'm still trying to wrap my head around it, but I'm only going around in circles. Endlessness of chasing tails and I can't stand it.

While taking another pull of my poison my cell-phone begins to vibrate on top of the glass table in front of me. I ignore it and glance over at the rock glass that's half empty with Jack. Jack has become my comfort; the warm blanket that has been holding me steady so I won't break although I wish for it. I know I need to feel something; it's the normal thing to do. Yet, in this situation nothing is coming to me, not even anger.

I lean forward and grab the glass, briefly glance at my cell-phone and notice its Jessica again. This would have been the sixth time she's had called me today. Technically she shouldn't even know my number, so I'm wondering who has given it to her ...

The ringing continues, John Legend ringtone 'All of Me' singing to me as I look at her name displayed on my screen in white letters.

Don't pick up the phone Alec ... Don't fall for her lies ... But I can't help myself. I didn't have it in me to be that cruel with her. That wasn't how I was taught to be; in the end she is someone that is still important to me.

With my phone in my hand, I take another pull of my cigarette and answer the phone. "Hello."

She sighs over the phone, clears her throat and says, "You changed your number."

"Yes." I said plainly as I take a pull of my cigarette.

There's a stutter when she inhales, and I realize it's because she's been crying, "Why?" Her voice has lost the confidence since its 'hello' it's weak, and squeaky. "Alec ..."She says through sobs.

I run my right hand from the back of my head to the front and grab a fist full of hair regretting answering her call ... It's frustrating to hear her crying especially when she was the one who fucked up. I shouldn't be the one breaking; shattering; she doesn't deserve that luxury, "This was a mistake." I tell her.

"What's a mistake?" She asks; a hint of panic in her voice.

"Answering your call."

"I'm sorry." She clears her throat as she sniffs, "is just ..."

"Is just what?" I ask slightly irritated.

The fact that she was playing to my weakness was upsetting me. I really wanted to curse her out, yell ... but instead, I bite down and clench my jaw so I wouldn't lose my nerve. I scoot forward, and grab the bottle of whiskey. I begin to unscrew the top off to pour myself a drink.

"I'm sorry." She says in a small voice. "Is just that ..." She swallows hard over the phone and I'm glad we aren't face-to-face. I know this is something that shouldn't be done over the phone, but I'm not ready. And, knowing me I might never care to be ready. Once you cross a certain line I make it my priority to forget you as soon as possible.

I sip my drink slowly; savoring the burning sensation. It warmed my insides, made me feel alive and makes all the hairs on my arms stand on end. The tartness of the whiskey makes me tighten my jaw and I can't help but chuckle. It dawns on me, that Jack was able to touch a part of me that brought me to a sense of awareness right now. As much as I love Jessica, my reasons for leaving her were good reasons. So, there should be no reason for me to feel guilty about it. Furthermore I shouldn't allow her to manipulate me in to thinking this is my entire fault because it isn't. Just like her I have a hectic schedule, just like her there were times I wish should could had been with me every hour of the day, but we signed up to live 90% of our lives out of a suitcase and despite that fact I was 100% loyal to her. I understood why she would be jet-lagged; why she wanted to just come home and go to sleep; or at times just wanted to be isolated. Because I felt the same way especially on bad days and I never, not once took it out on her. When it came down to it all I made time for her, I made time for her. And, she decides one day that she was going to fucking cheat on me. And the worst part she cheats on me with one of my closest friends in the industry.

"Jess, I can't do this with you anymore." I finally tell her.

"Do what?" She asked me right away.

"This ... attempting to talk to you about what you did; you did the one thing I told you I will never forgive. And, I'm sorry, but I can't forgive you right now. And, I don't want to forget."

"Why, not ... why are you acting as though the four years that we were together didn't mean anything to you?"

I laugh over the phone lightheartedly, "Nooo." I pause to take another sip of my whiskey and thank god it was giving me the courage I need right now. "It's you who treated our relationship that way; you threw away four years of good relationship all for secondary attention from my best friend,' I had to take a moment of silence. I can't believe even after uttering those words that she had the guts to fuck my best friend? How long had it been going on?

" I'm done, Jess." I finally tell her through gritted teeth. "Don't call me no more, don't look for me; don't even ask about me."

"But ..."

"No," I cut her off, I point at the chair in front of me pretending that she's sitting in it; so I can be more assertive, "you did this. You decided to cheat on me. You decided that it was the best option. So, you have to deal with the consequence."

"Can we please discuss this in person?"

"No, Jessica, I already told you no. You need to learn how to move on. We both ... need to learn how to move on from this." I rub my cheek and I can feel my eyes water, I inhale deeply in an attempt to suppress the emotions that were about to surface and tell her, "I have to go I have shit to do in the morning."

"Alec ..." Her voice sounds heavy almost like she's about to cry.

I end the call not giving her the chance to say another word. As the city around me continues singing its familiar songs; I wonder if I am truly making a mistake. Four years, how can four years end so quickly? It's not like she didn't mean anything to me. For a long time Jessica was the other half of my life besides my modeling career. She was my best friend and the only person that could relate to this crazy hectic life that I live. Modeling is a very lonely life, but when you find that other half that you come to and you are allowed to discuss every aspect of your career with them, and they understand. It is the most priceless feeling in the world. Jessica was my anchor, the foundation that kept me steady whenever I would I lose my footing and yes I was hers as well. Now, I no longer have that, I longer have my best friend.

I serve myself a shot of whiskey, toss it back and mentally give myself words of encouragement. I tell myself I did the right thing, the only thing that I can do right now; and that it's all for the best. This glamorous life has its advantages and it has its down sides. At the moment I can't afford to feel, I can't afford to morn. Because I'm always on the move, it isn't until nights like this that I sit out here and wonder of all the 'what ifs'. And, still I don't morn. What I do have time for is a well earned drink.

I drink to see if it helps me release those feelings that I had hidden on the inside. To see if it melts away the steel wall that I've built to keep the debilitating feelings from penetrating my core. My mother tells me I need to cry; my brothers tell me I need to go out and keep my mind busy; my best friend slash roommate tells me I need to have as much sex as possible ... what I really need is time to myself. I need to stay focused on my career. For now that's the best distraction I can possibly have.

Whatever the case I wasn't going to have time to figure it all out tonight; I had to wake up early in the morning for five different go-sees and I had to be in my A game. I glance at my watch; 11:45 pm, it was time to call it a night. I get up, and make sure to clean out before I walk back inside. I lock the French doors behind me, and walk past the living room. I take a detour to the kitchen to clean out the rock glass, and astray. Once I put the bottle of whiskey; I make my way to the bathroom to shave, and wash my face as well as brush my teeth. I didn't look at my reflection the whole time. I didn't want to face myself at the moment. I didn't want to look at the puffy eyes from drinking, or dry lips, nor did I want to witness the dark circles under my eyes from not being able to sleep. All I wanted to do was sleep.

Once I'm done I switch off the lights and walk to my room. I don't switch the lights on. I hook my hands inside the waist band of my sweats and slip out of them. I toss them aside, walk over to my bed and just throw myself on top of it. The soft plush comforter felt like ecstasy, it's as though all my troubles had melted away, and I was sent to a state of relaxation. That's what I feel at the moment and I relished it. I role over on my stomach, grab my extra pillow, and hug it. I close my eyes and try as hard as I can to think about tomorrow until my eyes grow heavy and ...

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I would like to first and foremost; Thank all of the readers that re-read Ch 1 and I hope you all enjoy the new version.

It is greatly appreciated! If you have any constructive feedback please don't be shy and feel free to do so. My ultimate goal is to improve as a writer. So, feel free to comment or send me a private message with your feedback if you would like to keep what you have to say private.

If you enjoyed Ch 1, feel free to hit the Like button : )

Again thank you so much for taking the time out to read my story!

I quickly sit up, still feeling tired and disoriented as my eyes adjust to the darkness in my room. There's a loud banging coming from the other side of my bedroom door. At first I think I'm dream. When I'm fully awake I realize it's someone at my front door; I jump out of bed, run to my bedroom door and pull it open. The banging continues, the urgency startles and worries me. "Who the hell is it?' I ask myself in a loud tone of voice; so whoever is banging on my front door would stop.

In my head I think it's my roommate Brad, but he's in L.A and was going to be gone for another two days. So, to be honest, I have no idea who it is. Not even bothering to look through the peep-hole; I quickly undo the dead-bolt locks; grab the brass door knob and pull it open. The person starring back at me with blood shot red eyes, sobbing, and smelling of alcohol isn't the person I was expecting to see. Jessica raises her right hand in an attempt to run her fingers through her untamed hair and completely misses. She stumbles forward forcing me to catch her before she falls and she starts to laugh lightheartedly. "Hi ... Baby."

"What are you doing here?' I ask her while I steady her.

"I nee ..." she takes a deep breath, and looks up at me through her eyelashes. "I came to tell you that ... I love you Alec, I love you so much ..." I stand her up and she tries to lean her head against my chest. Instead I lean her up against the wall and shut my apartment door. Once I do the locks, I stare at her. I make a quick assessment of the situation according to her appearance. She was all sweaty, and aside from smelling like alcohol, she also smells like cigarettes. At the moment I'm at a lost for words because I'm not used to seeing Jessica so disheveled. She cares a lot about her appearance and how she is perceived by others. So this is perplexing to me. And, I don't like seeing her like this, but in a cynical way it brings me a level of contentment. Because that can be me in her place acting all hopeless, and needy; I'd rather drawn myself in work, then look like she does now.

"You can't stay here Jessica." I tell her right away so I wouldn't have to deal with this a day before my most important go-sees.

"No.' she yells out loud and suddenly her body propels in my direction. If it isn't for my quick reflexes she would have fallen on her face. I steady her and I hold her at arm's reach. "Don't ..." she reaches with both hands, grabs my face and stares at me intently. "Don't do this, don't say no to me. I messed ... up, I know I did, but please ...don't end this, don't end us ..." Her knees abruptly buckle under her and as she's going down I try to hold her up, but she's dead weight. So, I let go; Jessica sinks on to the hardwood floor. In a fit she hits the floor with her right fist and starts sobbing loudly. "You are to blame as well." She flings her hand backwards and hits my right leg. Hazel eyes glare up at me with tears in their eyes and it pains me to see her like this. Jessica is so reserved, and swallows her pride before causing a scene, but tonight she's out of control and I'm confused.

Mascara is running down her face with a vengeance as it mixed with her snot that she can't control that is now mingled with her tears and running down her lips. And all I can do is shake my head at the sight of her. As bad as I felt for her, I know her very well and the manipulative side of her always surfaces when she doesn't get her way. I was not going to allow myself to be fazed by her crying or hitting me. What she wanted was a reaction and I'm not going to give her one. She is treating this situation as if I'm being unfair, or like I cheated on her. When in fact she was the one that cheated; her reaction is really surprising. It also tells me that I don't really understand the logic of women, but what man does?

I should be the one smashing shit and going ape shit, but then again I wasn't going to give her the satisfaction. Composure ... I will exercise it as much as possible to show her that not even her child like behavior, just like her cheating on me can chip away the steel wall I have put up to protect myself from her bullshit.

"Are you done?" I ask her my demeanor as cold as the hardwood floor that was under both of us.

"I hate you." She says through gritted teeth, but her continuous gut wrenching sobbing that makes her stutter tells me otherwise.

"You don't hate me; you hate the fact that you can't get a reaction from me." I tell her as a matter a fact. "That's why you fucked up, because instead of talking to me like an adult. You decide that fucking someone else was the best thing to do."

Her eyes narrow on me; if looks could kill I would have had a heart attack by now. Clenching her jaw her lips are pressed tightly together in a thin line; I raise a brow inviting her to speak her mind. She takes a deep breath and I prepare myself for the verbal acidity that's about to be directed in my direction, "Yes ... yes I fucked someone else because that's the only way I could get you to pay me any fucking attention. And guess what he was there for me. He listened to me, and made me feel like I fucking matter. And he actually told me he ..." She puts her face in her palms for a couple of seconds as she regains her composure. She starts wiping her face with her hand and looks up at me once she's done, "at least he showed me something, he showed me that he loved me."

I bend at the waist; we are face to face with one another inhaling the air that was tightly squeezed between us, "Does he fucking love you now?" I ask her in a stoic tone of voice.

We glare at each other, and the longer I see the intensity in her eyes, mixed with sexual desire; the more I want to kiss her. It's a feeling of intense desire, mingled with anger and I wanted to take it out on her. I wanted to show her the pain she is causing me and quiet the carnal rage within me, but that's exactly what she wants. I fell for it last week and this time it isn't going to work, "tell me Jess, does he love you now? Or did he decide you weren't fucking worth it."

I hear a loud pop, and realize she had slapped me. The sting, and bite from her hand spreads throughout my face like small waves gradually growing with intensity the electric current felt like pricks of needles as the pain sets in. "Fuck you Alec. You make it seem like you're so perfect. What we had wasn't a relationship. It was comfort. You were comfortable with me, but in the end you didn't love me."

"Then why the hell are you here if you feel all I felt was content with you. Why show up at my door step at twelve in the morning begging me to take you back?"

"Because I still love you and I know you still love me ..." I feel the warmth of her hand on my left cheek, and her eyes soften, "we can fix this Alec."

I reach up for her hand, place it on the hand that's on my cheek, and grab it. I lean away from her comforting touch, "I don't want to fix it that's what you do not understand ... I'm done."

Her eyebrows furrow, "You don't mean that. I can see it in your eyes that you're lying to me."

She was right. Deep down inside all I want to do is hold her in my arms and pretend her infidelity never happened. I need her as much as she needs me, but I can't overlook that she has been unfaithful. Cheating is something I can't forgive and I don't believe that someone who cheats; once forgiven won't do it again. Bottom line I don't trust her anymore.

I lean my forehead onto hers and shut my eyes. I inhale deeply, and tell her, "I can't, no matter how much I wish I could forget. I can't."

"Just try Alec, for us. For once try to fight for us." There's a hint of frustration in her voice while she's looking away from me. She gasps, and covers her mouth trying to keep herself from crying again.

"Why are you making it seem like I was never there for you, for us. It was you that made it impossible for me to penetrate the wall you were building to protect yourself from whatever it was you were going through."

"You don't get it Alec, you weren't trying hard enough. That's why I gravitated towards Jay, Jay was there. He really took the time to be there for me when I needed you most. And, I still do ... I need you." She says pointing at me. "I love you Alec and I need you now more than ever."

"No you don't Jess, you can't love me and need me if you allowed another man to steal your attention from me ..." I cup her chin, "You can't need me and love me if you let another man touch you, and take what was meant for me. You can't fucking claim to love me and let another man fuck you. I've always, always been there for you, I've been honest and open as well as up front about everything damn it ..." I let go of her chin, lean back on my feet and stand up straight.

I turn around to walk away from her because I couldn't do this anymore. I wasn't ready to hear more. I had no idea that she felt this way, but then again she hasn't been receptive. This is the most we have talked in weeks. Things were so bad we walked around our apartment as two roommates barely interacting with each other. There was a lot of friction between us and I didn't understand where it was coming from.

At times she would be sweet and attentive. Then she would be in one of her odd moods and I couldn't even talk to her. I tried, god knows I tried, but she was the one that made the decision that led us to break up. Now, she wants to talk it out and wants me to be understanding. I did not want this. I was willing to fix it, and she chose the easy way out. "You don't understand how in love I am with you. And it bothers me that you think I've chosen my career over you. Yes, I was busy all the time but we both were Jess." I turn around and face her. I switch the lights on so she can see me in the light and see the true intent of my words. I want her to see the pain in my eyes, "I love you and you betrayed me."

"And, I'm so sorry." She says through choked sobs. Her veins in her forehead are visible as she tried to hold back her tears. Wiping her nose with the sleeve of her navy blue sheer blouse she tells me, "I don't know how to take us back."

I shake my head, lean up against the off white wall behind me and cross my arms as I look at her wondering what I'm going to do. When things were amazing between us, it was like heaven, like finally drinking that glass of cold water after you wake up in the morning with a hangover; it's urgency and that's what being with her was like. It was a blissful urgency that only she could quench.

On the flip side, when things were bad I couldn't stand being in my own apartment because the energy around us was so stifling it literately put me in a state of disparity and it would drive me to drink and smoke. What she has done to me is irreversible. Our relationship has reached toxicity and it will continue on that path because I no longer trust her. I finally sum up the courage to look her in the eye and tell her, "I don't think we can Jess. You have taken us to the point of no return." I push off the wall, ruffle my hair, and take a step forward in her direction. I hold out my right hand, "I really need to go to sleep. I can call you a cab if you'd like."

Her delicate hand reaches for mine, and she looks up at me with hopelessness, she drops her gaze to avoid mine; clears her throat and tells me, "Okay." Letting go off my hand, she runs her fingers through her untamed hair. Jess stands in front of me seemingly poised trying to keep herself form swaying back and forth while she waits for me to walk away to call a cab. "I'll wait here." She sniffs and slowly runs her right hand up and down her left arm while keeping her eyes fixed on the floor.

I'm so used to comforting her that I raise my right hand half way to ease her inner pain; but hesitation sets in, and I lower it to my side. Turning about face, I begin walking out of the hallway; through the archway and out to the open area that overlooked the living room. I switch on the lights; take a deep breath letting my eyes travel in the direction of the living room.

My eyes rest on the phone that was sitting on the stand in its base charging. Gazing; my eyes sweep through the room, taking in the décor of the living room that's not mine. I frown upon the earthy tones, from the suede couches, to the cherry wood entertainment stand, to the picture frames and that annoying carpet that sits in the middle with odd patterns of squares, circles and triangles; it tells me that I miss my apartment. I miss what I had built with Jess. I miss my 80 inch Sony Flat screen TV, my black leather wrap around couches, and my paintings I had painted myself. I miss our family vacation pictures that sat nicely placed atop of the boarder of the fire place. Most of all I miss my dog Buck; the way he would lay he's head on my lap whenever I had a bad day or how he would look up at me with his hazel eyes, head tilted to one side letting me know he was ready for a walk was always the highlight of my day.

The sound of the heavy steel front door brings me out of my current thoughts, and makes me look over my shoulder in the direction of the hallway that leads to the front door. I'm greeted with darkness and silence. "Jessica?" I call out her name hoping that she would answer me. The streets of New York aren't the safest on this time of the day, especially will inebriated. If she wants to stay she can at least with me she's safe.

"Jess," I call her name out again and I'm answered with silence.

I speed walk in the direction of the hallway in hopes of catching up to her before she leaves. Thankfully when I step into the darkness she's holding the door a jar; her head is leaning up against it while she's sobbing silently. She stands with her shoulders hunched forward as she's holding the only thing that's supporting her weight.

Jess coughs, inhales and barely catches her breath. In that moment that's when I decide it should be me holding her steady, not the door. Despite me being a callous dick at the moment. I can no longer treat her indifferently.

I walk towards her until her back is pressed against my front. Her long brunet hair brushes against my bare chest and I reach up to comb the silk mane that's concealing her face from me; away from her face and right shoulder. "I can't let you leave like this." I utter softly letting my finger tips brush against her warm skin.

"I'm fine." Jessica says her voice barely audible.

I frown knowing very well she's not. I know she's hurt, I might not understand it, but it's evident. I just wish she can find it in her to let me know what's really eating her up inside. I don't know why she's so resentful. There had to be more to this then what she was letting up.

I sigh while my fingers continue to caress the right side of her neck, "Can you not say that?" I ask her.

She tilts her head back, and looks up at me. "What do you want me to say? My apology isn't good enough for you. In fact, I don't think I ever was good enough for you."

"How can you say that? You know that's not true." I say trailing my fingers over he right shoulder and down her right arm, "I do love you."

"You promise?" She asks almost seeking some form of reassurance.

I lower my head gazing deeply into her eyes, and pause right before our lips touch, "You know I love you Jess."

She looks from my left eye to my right and closes her eyes, Jess leans into my lips and kisses me. It was innocent, no tongue, but her lips pressed against mine with resolve. "I want you to promise you love me." She whispers against my lips.

I raise a brow; and question her logic. "Why do you want me to promise that I love you."

She shrugs her shoulders, and turns around in my arms. She pushes me back to allow the door to shut behind us. "Because, I don't ever want to lose you and if you promise, it means you will always be in my life for as long as we are allowed."

I tilt my head slightly to the right, and frown, "Jess, what's going on?

"Just promise me and that you will always be in my life."

"I can't promise you that. Yes, I do love you, but I can't promise something that permanent."

"So,' she begins to trace the outline of lotus flower on my neck, "what do I have to do to believe in me again, in us?"

I let her feather light touch seep into my skin; the lingering sensation that's left behind brings me to life; sending electric pulses of warmth throughout my body. My cheeks begin to tingle and I lose my train of thought when her finger reaches my right pierced nipple. Jessica gently tugs on the bar and I catch my lower lip between my teeth, and grunt. I shut my eyes and allow her to calm the rambling in my head. "Jess..." I utter her name in a agonizing tone of voice.

"Make love to me Alec," She whispers against my chest.

I lower my gaze to look down at her. The mischievous grin she gives me before she sticks out her tongue makes me want to bite her back.

My seductress always playing the role of the initiator. As far as I can remember Jess had been the dominate one in the bedroom. She started it, I finished it. It was as though She would turn into this sexually driven animal, a beautiful lioness teasing her King every chance she got.

Sex has always been the strongest part of our relationship. When we were happy we had sex; if we were mad at each other we had sex; drunk we had sex ... our therapy has always been sex; fucking, love making and more sex. "Do you want me to stop?" she asks with my nipple in between her teeth.

No ...yes ... fuck I do, but I don't. The tip of my erection says no, my brain says yes, and my heart says no. I was so confused at this point and her tongue slowly twirling around my sweet spot wasn't helping. I reach down, and grab her shoulders. I pull her up and take a deep breath, "Yes."

She looks at me with her mouth wide open in shock, and I'm tempted to stick my finger in it, but that's something I would do in the past as a means to lighten up the mood when she would get upset with me. Instead I wait for her to say something, "This is it, right?" she inquires.

"I don't know Jess; I just need time to wrap my head around this. To understand what I'm feeling, what I'm supposed to feel," I cross my arms, "I need space."

"Alright, I can deal with that." She replies back as she takes a step back. Jessica turns towards the hallway that leads to my room and begins to walk in its direction. I follow behind her.

I can already feel the determining distance between us that says we are officially over. Although she is close, she feels miles away. I keep thinking in my head if this is just my pride and ego at work. Why can't I find it in me to forgive her? I know it's something that doesn't happen overnight, but I was the one saying no; when my heart is saying yes.

I just have this feeling that there was more between her and Justin. Almost, as if they were having a full blown relationship behind my back; on top of that she made it seem like he was always there when I wasn't. Until now I didn't know the true meaning of their relationship. And if I didn't know the extent of it, I wasn't going to be able to start getting over it and her.

We walk into my room; I shut the door behind us and stand there for a couple of seconds to look at the off white paint in the dark. I wonder if this was the time to finally know the whole truth about her relationship with Justin. I needed to know, and if I am going to end this chapter of my life. This is the time to do it. This is the time to find the closure I've been avoiding for so long. Denial isn't good enough for me anymore. I needed her honesty.

When I turn to face Jess, she's sitting on my king sized bed. Her hands are tucked in between her thighs, and she looks nervous. I have to admit I am as well, but I was nervous with the answer she might give me. I rub the back of my head, and begin to walk in her direction. She momentarily smiles in my direction as I sit next to her. "I need you to be honest with me."

The sentence must have caused her discomfort because she squirms, and exhales loudly, "What do you need me to be honest about?" she asks rubbing the tip of her nose while looking past me.

My right leg begins to shake as I try to think of the right way to word my questions so she wouldn't shut down on me. I turn my body to fully face her, put my left leg in the bed and bend it at the knee. I place both of my hands on my leg and ask, "How long were you having an affair with Justin."

She clears her throat, scoots further up on the bed, and rubs the tip of her nose again. Not once has her eyes met mine, and I understand why. It's hard to face the person you love and tell them something so hurtful, and life altering without seeming cold, or heartless. Jessica begins to bite down on her nails, and starts to tell me, "It started last year."

Fuck me! To sit here and say what she just confessed didn't catch me by surprise would be a lie on my part. "You had an affair for a whole fucking year Jessica?" I respond as calmly as possible and look down at my hands. I was not expecting it to have been that long. "A year," I whisper again to myself. I look up at her and she looks back me nervously, she starts biting the dry skin from her lips, and then presses her lips together. "Why?" I ask finding it hard to fathom that she was sleeping with someone else for a year and I had not caught on to it.

"Alec, last year was a really bad year for us. Work started picking up for you, and you just kept saying yes to every job you had landed. You were never around."

"So, you didn't think to ask me if you could come along. I mean come one Jess it's not like I was going to say no. You were my girlfriend. You used so many fucking excuses to get closer to him because he was there. Instead of compromising and trying to save our relationship, do you love him?"

"No, I don't love him."

"You're lying you allowed him tear us apart."

She shakes her head, "We were already torn apart Alec, and you just couldn't see it. Every time I tried to bring it to your attention. You would drown yourself in more work."

"Because that's my fucking livelihood Jessica, I have to work in order to get paid. Out of all people you should understand that you need to work to stay at a certain level of relevancy in this industry. You know that ..." I pause to catch my breath, to catch my breath and just calm myself down. "You are trying so hard to make this my fault, but you ..." I point at her, "you did this shit to us. You, not me, you and no I can't forgive you for it. Because you're not taking an active role in our down fall. I ..." I stop midsentence to glance over my shoulder at the digital clock on my nightstand; it reads 1:55 pm, "I need to go to bed." I tell her to divert all the attention from our real problem and concentrating it on me not affording to get no sleep.

But being the nagging ... thorn in my ass that she is, Jess sucks her teeth and tells me, "See, that's what you do, that's what you always do; brush things off ..."

I suddenly twist my body around and she immediately shuts up, I wrap my right hand around her arm tightly, and fix my stare on her, "What the hell do you want from me ..." I shout, and she looks at me with wide eyes, "tell me, what you want from me? Do you want me to lose my contracts? You want me not to book jobs just so we can be together? Who is going to pay the bills, huh? Because we live a pretty fucking expensive life, so tell me."

Jessica recoils, and I notice then that I'm hovering over her; she looks back at me petrified; holding her right hand up shielding her face. The level of disappointment I feel at that moment can't even be put into words. I don't shout, or grab woman the way that I had just grabbed Jessica. I don't condone any kind of abuse or violence towards any women. So, to see her react that way towards me made me feel sick to my stomach.

I let go of her arm and lean back. My hands are shacking, and I hold them together as I stare down at them. I take a deep breath; exhale slowly wondering why I reacted that way. Lord knows I've gotten angrier then this and I've never lost my cool with no woman; I'm known for having a level-headed head when dealing with them ... I monetarily glimpse at her and she's sitting with her knees drawn up to her chest. "Jessica," I say her name softly.

Her eyes look back at me unassertively, "What." She replies back.

"I'm sorry. You know I would never hurt you. I just ..." I sigh in exasperation and decide to say nothing. My behavior had no excuse. I know that, and she knows that. I scoot back until I reach my pillow, sink into my pillow and look up at the ceiling. Minutes later I feel the right side of my bed sink, and then I see her in the corner of my eye. She lies down next to me and stares at me uttering not a word. I can't tell if she's still scared or upset. There was nothing there, just an emotionless expression on her face. I reach out, put my arm around her and pull her towards me.

We don't exchange words; our stare did all the speaking for us. There was a lot being said between us. I was telling her I was sorry for reacting the way I did. She accepts it, and it seems like she takes blame for it and I don't want her too. She had nothing to be sorry about. I am the one that needs to exercise control, and I had lost it. My reaction tells me that respect is completely gone now, and once trust and respect is gone. There's nothing left of the relationship to fix. I lean down and kiss the top of her head. "I promise I'll always be here if you ever need me."

She doesn't reply back, but I guess she knows that's my final goodbye. This is the end to this chapter in our book.

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Hope you all enjoyed this chapter! If you loved it; don't be afraid to comment; share and vote for this chapter.

Thank you all so much for continuing this journey with me. My goal is to publish book 1 of FILWF. So, exceptional chapters mean a lot to. Even more; that it's exceptional to you all as well😊

See you all in the new version of Ch 2 'Casting Call'