Random Shit I Need To Get Off My Chest- My Life


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Me & my ex bestfriend

I’m not from the US or UK and my English isn’t perfect but I just want to write it in English so yeah hope you enjoy all the dramas in my life :))

 J, I always thought that our friendship would last forever. I imagined us in college,in the same dorm lying next to each other and talking about boys or simply eating together in our favorite restaurants. I never imagined that our friendship would end the way it did. 

One day we were laughing together and on the other, I could not even talk to you without feeling lost and angry. 

To be honest we were,and still are, drifting appart. We started out as strangers, became best friends and it all ended like it began, we are strangers again. First I thought that this whole friendship didn’t even bring us forward in our lives it, it seemed like it ended the way it all began. It seemed useless, like a waist of time. But I know it wasn’t. I loved you, I truly did and you made my life brighter. Better said you sometimes did. Last year I had depression, everything in my life felt like it was falling appart. I realized that most of my friends didn’t even notice. I had several breakdowns a week, most of them in school, bit J didn’t even notice. When I started feeling depressed she stopped hanging out with me. She was cutting me off instead of trying to help me. It became really bad and I couldn’t handle it anymore. I talked to some friends about it and they helped me me getting out of the dark hole. 

That was the first time I saw what our friendship became. J was becoming the person she never wanted to be and I didn’t recognize her anymore. She wasn’t the girl I loved and made me laugh. That was the first time I felt angry at her.

It’s not aggressive, it’s a passive way of feeling angrines. With every word she said I got annoyed. I couldn’t talk to her anymore and she felt the same way. Slowly everything became normal again. We started hanging out more and everything was like it used to be. But I always knew, when something happened I couldn’t fully trust her.

Every time I saw you I was happy but now I just see memories of our friendship infront of my eyes. Just as if I was trying to bring the old J back. And don’t get me wrong, everyone changes, but the person she became is a person I don’t want to have in my life.

I don’t regret our friendship, I just regret what happened to that friendship,but I wish we could just talk about it just let all the emotions out. I would like to tell her everything I wrote here.

J thank you for everything but I think it’s time to let it go. Let it go and don’t look back.

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