"Don't hate the player, hate The Game."

You've heard the line. If you are a woman you have probably been told this. Some of us have followed the credo. Some of us have used this line.

Some of us are assholes.

Men, consider this your chance to walk away on top. This is a blindside sack rattling your brain free of the bullshit that has been ingrained in you from childhood. If you find any value in the statement "Don't hate the player, hate The Game." or think it has an iota of relevance - you are an asshole. 

I didn't say you might be an asshole; I said you are an asshole. I didn't pump-fake you on that assessment. I dunked that shit all over you while you stood flat-footed. 

How can I be so sure?

I used to be you.

I don't have a degree in sociology, biology, or anthropology. I can't explain why some guys treat women like shit and why some are nice guys who "finish last", and I can't scientifically explain why some women fall head over heels for the former and "friendzone" the latter. I have never read a book on love or dating or a self-help 'Relationships For Dummies'. I am not an expert on love.

But I am an expert on being an asshole.

I consider myself a recovering asshole. It's like being a recovering alcoholic, except that smart women know not to date an alcoholic (even though some choose to date one anyway). Smart women will date a player, though, because if the guy is doing it right, she won't even know that she's dating one. She'll hear from other women, "Oh, I know him" and the context is clear: steer clear. A player can explain away all that "nonsense" though.

"I date around because I'm looking for someone special - and I think I've found her."

"I'm not a player, I just have an appreciation for all women."

The problem is that there are small morsels of truth in what he says. He may not even realize that, but his subconscious is speaking through his sentences, trying to tell him something that he doesn't even realize. What he says to her is so believable because deep down even he actually wants to believe what he says.

Timeout. I keep saying he/him but I really mean 'I'. I'm deflecting these scenarios as if some fictional man is the culprit. As if I haven't actually said those things and felt those feelings and thought I was telling the truth with that bullshit.

So, let me go from here.

I would tell women that I'm not a player. "I have eclectic taste."

All evidence to the contrary and yet, I could convince a woman that I was different. That's the superpower of Captain Narcissism - believing he is something he is not, so deeply and truly that he emulates the carefully crafted persona used to manipulate and convince. 

If one woman calls a man a player, he likely is not one. She may have had a bad experience dating him, but that doesn't mean he is a player or a bad person.

If multiple women tell you that a guy is a player, guess what?

He is.

I mean I am.

Well, I was. 

As much as I want to share my experiences about being a shitty person, and a terrible guy to date, for the sake of possibly giving women a chance to save themselves some potential heartache, I am also doing so in hopes that this will echo with other guys. Hopefully, loudly enough that they might see that it is possible to grow up, become a man, become a better person, and know that treating the women in our lives better is not a weakness - it is a strength. And it takes strength and real commitment to retire from The Game.