perception / reality
perception / reality
by x.c.
table of contents
to hit / to not
reality
untitled
pretend
THE MONSTER IN THE AIR VENT
want
HURT / HELP
(you)
to hit / to not
yesterday my ballet teacher introduced frappes at the barre:
where you hit the floor with your foot quickly, quickly, quickly
she demonstrates
i flinch at the noise and try to smile it away
my attempt is silent and sometimes i curse the fact that my lessons
are private because the silence is so loud, too loud, deafening,
“harder,”
“more aggressively,”
“put some force into it,”
“pretend to be angry,”
it doesn’t help
she says “i bet you don’t ever get angry,
do you?”
i don’t, not really
maybe i am afraid of being angry /
maybe i am afraid of making noise /
maybe i am afraid of hitting the floor /
if i can hit the floor, what else
can i hit?
reality
objectively, i know that what i’m doing is BAD but
in my head it’s GOOD and
is there really that large a gap between
the reality in my head / the reality out of it