By Zack Lester

Present DayHe woke up an hour later than he normally did. There was no reason to go into work this morning. There was really only one reason for him to even get out of bed today. He had already told his boss that he wouldn't be in to work this morning so he wouldn't be interrupted by the never ending "where are you" calls from the office. When he closed his eyes he could almost feel the warmth from her side of the bed but that moment of was quickly replaced by the memory. The memory that had taken a year to lead him to today. He opened his eyes, sat up, and wiped away the single tear that was making its way down his cheek. Without looking, he lightly touched the framed picture with the smaller picture attached sitting to his right, on the night stand next to their bed. At this point he no longer even needed to look. He knew exactly what would be there if he did. If practice really does lead to perfection, as the old saying goes, then he was a master at this routine.

"I am so sorry. I love you both so much."

One year and nine months earlier

"Surprise!"

"What in the world is this for?" he said as he sat up in the bed, taking the little wrapped box she was holding out to him.

"Just open it! I was going to wait until you woke up, but I just couldn't wait any longer." She said jumping over him to her side of the bed.

"You're crazy, you know that?" he said with a laugh as he leaned over to kiss his wife on the cheek.

"I know, and that's why you love me."

"Can't argue with that." He responded as he tore open the package.

Under the wrapping was a long white box. The type of box an expensive watch or bracelet would come in. But he quickly realized this was no watch or bracelet. Staring up at him, sitting on a bed of cotton was a stick. A white stick with a blue cap at one end and Pregnant appearing on a small screen in the middle.

"What?! You're…" he said mesmerized by the alien object in his hands.

"Yeah. We're going to have a baby." She said, her smile fading into a frown, unable to read his reaction.

"I'm going to be a father?"

"And I'm going to be a mother."

"I…am…going…to…be…a…FATHER!" he said looking at his wife, a smile enveloping his face. _____________________________________________________________________________________

Present Day

Slowly planting his feet on the ground, not wanting to move but knowing what he had to do next, he turned to look at the happy couple permanently staring back at him. They were from a distant memory that wouldn't leave his thoughts or dreams, both touching a pregnant belly with happiness written on their faces. Attached to the side of the frame was a smaller, computer generated, ultrasound of their unborn baby. Sitting behind the ghost of a memory sat a brochure. He picked it up and read it for the hundredth time.

MemoDyne

What if…

What if you could re-live your Glory Days?What if you could take back your mistakes?What if you could go back and live the life you always wished you would have?What if you could tell the "one that got away" how you really felt BEFORE they got away?What if you could tell your lost loved ones you loved them one more time? What if…

Come find out what happens when "What If" comes true.

Your Past is waiting for you!

Call for a free consultation. Our Memory Technicians are standing by. Walk Ins Welcome

Sitting the brochure back in its place, he got up and started the next phase of his mental check list. He got a shower, brushed his teeth and hair, got dressed, and started his slow walk towards the center of the city Hub. There was no need for coffee or breakfast this morning and he probably couldn't keep it down anyway as he moved towards his destination.

One Year Earlier (12:35 pm)

"Honey?!"

"Yeah?" he said half listening between sports highlights.

"I think it's time."

"Time for what?"

"It's time to go to the hospital!" she said as she swung herself from her chair.

"WHAT! It's time? Are you sure?"

"Oh yeah. I'm sure."

"Ok, ok, ok, what do we do? Where are my keys? Where is my phone?" he said as he rushed around the living room in panicked circles.

"HONEY! Breathe. They keys and hospital bag are sitting on the table by the door." She said with a laugh. "And your phone, it's in your hand."

"Oh. Well let's go then. We're having a baby!"

"WE aren't doing anything." she said with a wink.

"True. I have the easy job." He said with a laugh as he looked at the clock hanging on the wall, "I'll call your mom on our way."

Leading his wife and unborn daughter to the car, he helped her into the seat, put her packed hospital bag in the trunk, started the car, turned on their emergency flashers, and called his mother-in-law.

"Hey. Yeah, it's time. We're on our way to the hospital right now."

"It's ok sweet heart, you're doing great."

"Yeah, the contractions are getting pretty close. We'll meet you at the Emer…"

"Honey, are you going to slow down?" she said to her husband through gritted teeth of a contraction.

"It's ok, just breathe." He said turning to look at his wife seeing fear on her face.

"HONEY! RED LIGHT!" she screamed pointing to something unforeseen by him.

Turning back forward and dropping his phone, instincts took over. He slammed the brake pedal so hard he was afraid his foot would go through the floorboard, and swerved to the right narrowly missing the car stopped in front of them. Hitting a fire hydrant he swung the steering wheel back to the left to avoid the First and People's bank, causing the passenger side tires to momentarily leave concrete and pavement. The tires returned to earth just as the vehicle came to a screeching halt in the middle of the intersection.

"Wow that was close. Are you ok?" He said turning from his trembling hands, griping the steering wheel, to look into his wife's scared eyes just in time to see the semi truck about slam into the passenger side of the car.

It was too late.

___________________________________________________________________________________

Present Day

As he numbly walked towards the nearest MemoDyne Memory Station, he tried and failed to not think about his life over the past year. From a million possibilities with his wife and daughter to a single moment that ripped them all away. Who would his daughter have become? How would he be as a father? How many great memories would they have together as a family? He didn't even know what their daughter looked like aside from the black and white ultrasound picture on his night stand thanks to that moment. THE moment. The moment that was all his fault. He knew what his wife would tell him if she was here at this moment. "It was an accident. You have to forgive yourself." But he knew he never could or would. He would never allow himself to forgive and forget. It was his punishment. The punishment he would carry until the moment he left this world.

"You would have been a great mother." He said barely above a whisper as he wiped a tear from his eye before it could escape for the world to see.

He walked across the pedestrian bridge that connected the outer city to the city Hub, where his What If waited for him. He entered the Memory Station, filled out the paperwork, and waited for his name to be called. For the first time since the moment, he started to actually feel something stirring inside of him, other than unbearable sadness. What would he say? How would he react? What would he feel? He had thought through each possibility countless times before, but now that it was about to happen he couldn't remember any of it. Time slowed to a crawl, his surroundings faded, and he finally let all of the hidden emotions crash over him like sand washed by the waves of the ocean. He snapped back to reality as the receptionist called his name for the third time.

"How's this going to work?" he asked the young woman leading him to his Memory Station Unit.

"You're Memory Technician will be able to answer any questions you may have."

"Will it hurt?"

"Here you are sir, your MSU. Please sit down in the chair and your Tech will be in shortly." She said as she ushered him into the small room and closed the door behind him.

He stood motionless for several moments not fully knowing how to process what he was looking at. He had heard about the equipment the Memory Tech's used for the Memory Connection, but hearing and seeing were two entirely different things in this instance. Sitting in the center of the room was what appeared to be a dentist's chair but where the large light was usually located, there was a helmet with wires attached. Theses wires ran from the helmet to a computer located to the right of the chair. After what felt like two hours, but was in reality fifteen minutes, a middle aged man and woman walked into to the room in what could only be described as surgeon meets country club attire.

"Sorry for your wait sir. It's been a busy day. What can we do for you?" the man said sitting down behind the computer.

"Well, I would like to be sent back to a year ago today at exactly 12:35 pm if you can do that."

"That's pretty specific, but that shouldn't be a problem." The Memory Tech said with a laugh.

"Sit back and relax sir. It won't hurt a bit. This slips on your finger so we can monitor your heart rate and oxygen levels." The woman said as she adjusted equipment and placed the helmet onto his head so the memory connection process could begin.

"Everything looks good, so whenever you're ready, count backwards from three and when you get to one the process will begin. You'll see a burst of white light but you won't feel a thing. When you connect, you will be wherever you were at the exact moment you requested. It will be like playing a virtual reality game but it will be inside your memories. You can change what you'd like or you can do things exactly like you did the first time. Play around with it as much as you want. That's part of the fun actually, seeing what would happen if you changed things."

"Oh you can count on that. I'm ready. Three, two, one…" he said as he closed his eyes and gripped the armrests of the chair.

For a moment he thought something went wrong. Nothing happened. He was about to open his mouth to speak when a flash of blinding white light suddenly appeared in his eyes.

"I think it's time."

"Huh?"

"It's time to go to the hospital!" the ghost of his past said as she swung herself from her chair.

"What…" he said, words unable to form while his mind tried to piece together what he was seeing.

"Are you ok? You aren't freaking out on me are you?"

"Just give me a second. I need to make a pit stop before we leave." He said as he stood and walked towards their hallway bathroom.

"You have got to be kidding me. Just hurry ok."

"I can't believe it! It worked!" he said while splashing cold water on his face and looking at his reflection in the mirror. "It'll be different this time."

"Ok, let's go. I'll call your mom on the way."

Pulling the cell phone from his pocket he grabbed her hospital bag and keys as they walked out the front door towards their car.

"Hey, yeah, it's time. We're heading to the hospital right now. We'll meet you at the Emergency room. I'm about to turn the ringer off on my phone in case you call and I don't pick up. We love you too."

The ride to the hospital was gratefully uneventful to his wife, but to him every moment was terrifying. Every sense was heightened, every sound an explosion, every unforeseen bump, a land mine just lying in wait. It's how he should have felt the first time in this situation, but he had been blissfully unaware of the dangers before. Each passing rotation of the tires was an inch closer to his reckoning. All of it leading them to the place that had simultaneously destroyed his past, present, and future.

"Honey, can you go a little faster please?" his wife said, fighting her way through another contraction, "I'd rather not have our baby on the side of the street."

"Having our daughter on the side of the street is better than not making it to the hospital at all." He responded, his grip on the steering wheel so tight it turned his knuckles white.

"You're crazy, you know that?"

"I know, that's why you love me right?" he said with a smile and wink.

The surroundings were all familiar to him and yet his mind couldn't make sense of it all. His conscious and unconscious battled over what was real and what wasn't as new memoires merged with the old. Driving past the scene of his destruction made him dizzy until he realized he had been holding his breath, like he was playing the childhood game he played every time he passed through a tunnel. New feelings were infiltrating the emotional wall he had built to keep the pain locked inside.

"We made it!" he said not realizing he had spoken out loud.

"What?"

"Nevermind. Don't worry about it. You're doing great."

"I'd be doing a lot better if someone wasn't driving like my grandmother."

The next few hours passed like a blur to him, even as he tried to absorb every moment, not wanting to miss a second. He watched as they met with the doctor and nurses. He held his wife's hand with pride as she fought through pain he knew he would never be able to stand. He rubbed her shoulders as the doctor broke his wife's water. He moved silently around the room in his mind as the nurses set up all the delivery tools like a well oiled machine. He held his wife's leg and yelled encouragement as their miracle happened before his very eyes. He hugged his wife, mother-in-law, and even the doctor as their little bundle of joy was laid upon his wife's chest. He did all the things that a year ago he wasn't sure if he would be able to get through. All the things he never thought he'd get the opportunity to do as of yesterday.

He sat and watched his wife take a well deserved nap, as he held their daughter. He counted her fingers and toes making sure the number still came to twenty; he ran his hand through her full blonde hair, and gently kissed his daughter on the forehead.

"You are so beautiful baby girlie, just like your mommy. I love you so much. I only wish I got to tell you that a year ago." He said as sobs streamed down his cheeks.

He looked at his wife, lying peacefully next to him on the hospital bed, and back down at his daughter one last time as a bright white light filled his vision.

"No, not yet! I need more time!" he said closing his eyes.

"Shhhh…you already woke me up, don't wake the baby. Have you been crying?"

"What in the world…" he said as he opened his eyes. "You're still here! I'm still here!"

"Umm, are you okay? Maybe I should hold the baby for a while. It sounds like you could use a nap."

"You can forget that." He said as he stood from his chair, baby in his arms, and climbed into the hospital bed with his wife.

"What is going on with you today?" She said, a laugh slipping from her lips.

"You have no idea!"

He took his free hand and intertwined his fingers with his wife's as they both looked down at their baby girl.

"I can't believe it. I love you both so much."

_____________________________________________________________________________________

"Do you know what was he was doing when he became catatonic?" the EMT asked the Memory Technician as he strapped the unconscious man to the gurney.

"Not really. He was holding his baby and everything just went black. We lost the Feed. It happens every now and then. I'm not sure what happens. It's like some people just can't handle it. It fries their brain." The Tech responded as he typed his report into the computer in the Memory Station Unit.

"Yeah, there's a whole floor of these guys at Saint John's."

"Have any of them woken up?"

"Not yet. poor guy."

"I'd love to know what was going on in that mind of his right now." The Tech said as they walked to the door.

"Me too. Maybe we'll find out one day."