What Is The Big Secret?


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The Renee Series

Inspired by Nia Reynold

The Renee Series of 4 different books written by Zakiyah Rahman. Filled with pain from the past.


Book 1 - What’s The Big Secret?
Book 2 - Tortured Love
Book 3 - I was the Secret
Book 4 - The Hell End


A girl called Renee White and her story is something different, scary even. She has never met her parents in her life. The only time she has been with her parents is when she was born but straight after that she was given into the arms of her Uncle and Aunt. She lives in the countryside of London but she moved to the city to get her education but once she hit 18 she left education and they lived back on the countryside. She is that typical girl who loves the country and riding horses. She is that girl who spends her time observing every little detail of her life and nature she never misses anything.  One day she looks up in the attic and finds little notes and with the little information she has of her parents she makes a judgement that it is from her mom and dad. She finds her motivation to look for her parents, who she thought had passed away. She goes on this wild adventure looking for her parents. Will she see them again? What is going to happen? Read on to find out.



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Moving Back Home


“I’m going to miss y’all so much especially you Jason. Don’t forget to call me” Renee’s strong country voice mixed in with a Hackney accent spoke in a solemn voice as she hugged her best friend tightly as she was leaving them any moment. She didn’t want to go back home but at the same time she did want to go see what she has left of her family. She missed the smell of her home and the sound of her Aunt Linda and Uncle John’s voice, it made her feel so happy and full of joy like she was at home each time they spoke. “Don’t worry Renny I won’t forget to call you. If I do you call me and you can be mad at me all you want” Jason’s calming voice whispered in her ears as their body was tightly pressed together in a hug, she loved when he used her nickname it reassured her that everything is ok and will always be ok. Renee ran her fingers through his light spiky hair and pulled back and looked into his ocean blue eyes and she felt better knowing that he was always a good friend. “Like what you see?” he asked and smirked, she giggled and punched his meaty arms “Jeez Jason stop working out” she groaned and rubbed her knuckles as he laughed at her, her smile soon formed into a pout, he didn’t like to make her pout because he knew she was sad so he kissed her forehead and let his lips linger there for little longer as she closed her eyes and enjoyed the kiss knowing it was the last one for a long while. His lips pressed against her soft skin and she sighed in content, taking in his warmth with open arms they stayed in embrace.


“Come on Renee we got to go so we are all in time” Aunt Linda said impatiently, Renee pouted and gave Jason and kiss on his cheek and stropped to the old battered truck and slammed the door shut then rolled the window down to wave a goodbye. She struggled not to cry but she was too weak and sad to hold back the tears, as was Jason. Their tears seemed to keep falling.


Jason held love in his eyes for Renee but Renee didn’t love him the way he loved her, she had never seen the glint in his eyes till this very day yet she didn’t utter a word about it. Aunt Linda got into the car and hit reverse and drove off as Renee yelled out loud to Jason “Goodbye don’t forget to call” Jason wiped his tears and sat on the steps of his front door and sent Renee him texts while she was going home. Her eyes started getting droopy then she fell asleep the whole car ride.




“Wake up sweetie” Uncle John’s calm voice was heard as he shook her awake, she squinted her eyes as soon as she opened them the sunlight blinding her for a split second. Renee sat up and her eyes adjusted to the sun that is beaming on her, she looked around and took in the scenery that surrounded her. She suddenly realised why she missed this place. The long golden weeds sprung up tall towards her knees, she is 6’2 and the weeds reach up her long legs as does the long golden grass that sways with the light breeze. The smell of nature so pure and fresh, the look of the horses galloping with her childhood friend Andy. The small little house that belonged to her Aunt Linda and Uncle John, that house she missed so much. “Go on dear, play with the horse and I will take your stuff upstairs to your room” Linda said to Renee breaking her out of her trance, she soon ran with the wind to the horses and stroked her horse Nelly. “Andy” she yelled, she could see his spiky short hair moving around in the wind as he rode his horse and his muscles rippled as he held tight onto the horse while riding. She got on her horse and rode towards him, her hair falling behind her as the wind blew fiercely. She missed riding her horse and playing around with Andy. “Hey sweet cheeks miss me?” Andy asked Renee using her nickname he gave her when she was 5 and ready to leave, he looked into her forest green eyes with his own emerald eyes “Yes of course I missed you Cowboy” she said back quickly getting off her horse as he pulled her up so they were both on Andy’s horse having a ride while the sun went down slowly. She simply adored everything she had missed about this place and now that she is back she doesn’t have to miss anything as it is all in front of her.


Renee walked back into the house, which is attached to the ranch, Andy soon followed after and they ran up to her room not before sitting down on her bed. His accent was stronger than hers as she still had a mix of a Hackney Accent but because he was brought up here in the countryside his accent stayed strong.They were both talking about what she did in Hackney and if she liked it. “Hackney was not as good as this place, not everyone was friendly. I made one friend and he was really sweet and nice. Jason, that is his name he is so kind he was like another brother to me. I missed you a lot Andy when I was there. You never got a chance to call me and I called but you wasn’t home Andy” Renee pouted sadly and Andy pulled her into a soft, kind hug. Andy knew everything about her. When Renee grew older she learn that her Mom and Dad passed away and that she was born on Christmas Day. All she ever wanted was to see her Mom and Dad but she never has and never will. She would never ask for anything but her parents every night on her birthday she would wish they would somehow be alive and come to see her so that she can see what it feels like to have parents. Renee’s name was her mom’s name, when Linda told her she cried. She loved the name so deeply no one could understand how much it meant to her that she had her mom’s name, it made her feel closer to her mom even if she has never met her mom. Her last name was her dad’s middle name and she loved that as it also brought her closer to her dad.


She never felt so close to her mom and dad in her life all she ever had left of them was her first and last name and simple picture of them that was made into a huge frame above her bed hung up on the wall. “Andy stay with me today” she said quietly, he nodded his head slowly as they got into bed and she fell asleep listening to the beat of Andy’s heart as he stroked her hair and sang her a little song that she loved when she was a kid. She felt safe in his arms, she never wanted to feel like a kid but she couldn’t help but feel like one today, she needed someone to hold her and make her forget about every sad moment of her life knowing that she will never see her mom and dad. Although they were not there she was glad to have the family she had right now.




The next morning the birds were chirping and the sun was shining, it was the second day back for Renee, she sat down at the breakfast table with Andy, Aunt Linda and Uncle John. “Renny could do something today for me please?” Linda asked Renee she nodded frantically wanting to do something, soon after she found herself in the barn cleaning up the hay while Andy watched her “You need any help?” Andy asked her, she shook her head no and carried on working. Something about working kept her away from feeling sad because she left her best friend behind - it distracted her. When she finished everything on the list her Aunt told her to do she wiped the sweat off her forehead and climbed up the ladder of the barn from what she remembered there was her secret possessions she left behind up at the top of the barn, everything was left just as she remembered. She sat down and looked around. Renee sighed singing to herself, it was a song her and Jason had made and she knew the lyrics not wanting to forget them. She pulled her phone out her pocket and dialled Jason’s number and he picked up on the first ring “Hey” he breathed out, she giggled “Why you breathing so hard?” she asked, “Well I was working out and you called and that stupid country song played so I knew it was you” he said back, we both laughed, “I miss you” he whispered into the phone.  She sighed “I miss you too” it felt like forever she hasn’t seen him but it was just yesterday she said goodbye, she spent the whole day talking to him laughing at the inside jokes, giggling at the times he fell off his bed when his mom yelled at him. He gave the phone to his mom “Hi Kelly” she said, “Renee is that you? Oh darling he misses you a lot as do I” she said, she smiled “Kelly I miss you too, why don’t you both come over to visit you will love the countryside it’s a beautiful place” I invited them, “That would be lovely darling. We will come in a week?” she said more like a asking a question. “Yes that would be awesome” I squealed “I will call Linda now so that I can ask if it’s ok” Kelly said and gave the phone back to Jason.


She carried on talking to him, not realising she left Andy to do what he was doing as she walked back into her room. They spoke continuously till they both hung up saying goodnight.


Renee felt at home at that moment, the smell of her room she missed dearly, her comfortable bed and the scent of her pillow brought her into a place of slumber where she could dream peacefully in the comfort of her own home. She had her pictures of her family and friends on the wall above her bed, she felt as if they were right beside her making her feel safe. They say 'Home is a place of safety and security' and that is exactly how Renee felt, safe & secure. She couldn't ask for more. Felt at home and this is all she missed. Her home and her family, now that she was home with what is left of her family her heart was content and happy. This is all she ever wanted and now that she got it, she never wanted to leave again. But who knows what was to come in the near future? She sure didn’t know and she was ready to find out what the future holds for her. With her family by her side and her friends she was ready to face forward.

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Mommy & Daddy


It was Friday morning and the week passed by quicker than she realised, Uncle John yelled “Rise and shine” it was only 8am and Renee wasn’t even ready to get up she was too tired. As soon as she got down stairs Uncle John told her that breakfast was ready. She was exhausted from the amount of work she had done but it is what she missed from when she was away, she wasn’t the type of person who lazed around she loved to work. “Morning Aunt Linda” Renee said in a chirpy voice as she skipped into the kitchen and she turned and what she saw made her smile so much “Jason, Kelly” She screamed, she instantly jumped into Jason’s lap and hugged him tightly “I’m here for you babe” he said and that made her crack a bigger  smile on her face. She started to remember the first time she met Jason in secondary school in Year 7; she was lost on her way to English and she bumped into Jason on the way and he was lost too for the same class as she was. So they decided to hang out under the stairs and talk, since then he called her babe.


They all sat around the table and Jason held her hand in his while she and he ate their breakfast. It was a breakfast with jokes thrown around the table and laughter broke out and fits of giggles from Renee. “Renee remember the time on Halloween you was dressed as a witch and some little kid said you was ugliest witch he was ever seen so you took his lasso that he had with his cowboy outfit and tied him up to a post and left him there” Jason laughed and everyone looked at her with a shocked expression “You wasn’t supposed to tell them that” Renee pouted, “she went back home and changed her costume to a princess and the same little boy said she was the ugliest princess he had ever seen and she went home and never celebrated since” Jason and everyone started to laugh and Renee just sat there pouting sadly as everyone laughed as the story. “Well you dressed up in tights and went as Peter Pan” Renee resorted.


Soon after they were both in Renee’s room and Renee was sat in between his legs and laying back onto his chest and he was laying back on the bed smiling at her with love. “You’re beautiful” Jason whispers and kisses the top of her head and she sighed “Thank you Jason” she felt so happy that Jason came over earlier than she expected, she missed him so badly – his hugs sent her to a place where she was carefree and never thinking of things that put her down. “RENEE” Uncle John yelled up the stairs “Yes Uncle John” she said in a soft voice knowing that he heard her “Could you be a darling and clean out the attic please?” he didn’t need to ask her knowing that Renee loves to help all the time so she got up but Jason wanted to be a bit playful he pulled me back and held onto me “Don’t go babe” he said she snorted and tickled him making Jason release her and she ran up to the attic with Jason close behind her. He offered to help her and she let him knowing that she would never get anything done in time for lunch and riding her horse. The sorted everything in the attic to make sure it is all clean.


She came across books, frames, photo albums and other old furniture. She pushed a good looking couch closer to the window with a help from Jason and placed the books next to it. She redesigned the whole room and threw things out too. There were 2 more boxes but they were small boxes so me and Jason sat on the ground and opened the boxes. They were full of letter addressed to Renee’s name; none of them were opened so she was glad that they kept them for her so she packed them back into the box wondering who sent the letters.She wanted to read them later on during the day.


She chose to forget about them and just to enjoy the rest of the day, Renee dragged Jason out of the attic leaving the boxes in the corner of the attic. “How was your day here Jason?” Aunt Linda asked “Well it sure is different to the city but it sure is peaceful and calm. I always thought Renee was crazy for missing the countryside but I see what she missed about it” Jason smiled at Renee and she grinned at him.  




Later that night Renee sneaked up to the attic while everyone was fast asleep and she sat there reading all night with Jason beside her. After Renee had read the letters that everyone has been hiding from her she felt as if she has been stabbed in the back and doesn’t know what to do no more. Everyone she trusted betrayed her and hurt her more. She knew that it was to protect her but she doesn’t feel the need to be protected from her family, her own mom and dad she didn’t need to be protected. She spent the whole day with her Aunt and Uncle and Andy but also Jason and Kelly. Jason and Andy both knew something was wrong with Renee she was so sad even if she did smile there was no glint in her eyes to show her happiness like always. Her eyes were cold and darker than usual. She had her long hair tied back in a ponytail to help her think things through; she was full of so many emotions it made her feel depressed.


She would send a force smile to everyone here and there but Jason and Andy wasn’t buying the fact she was happy she just couldn’t hide anything away from them.  Even if Jason knew what was going on he didn’t mutter anything knowing that Renee would hate him for that, Andy was so clueless to why she was sad and hurt with a pained expression on her face. Jason put on a sad face knowing what they read was too painful for her.


Uncle John lowered his glasses onto his nose and looked at Renee “Renee what’s wrong?” he bellowed, he wasn’t used to having a quiet voice but a loud voice this amused everyone but not Renee she deep in thought she didn’t even hear his loud voice. “Renee” Aunt Linda tried this time and held onto Renee’s hand this made Renee jump and she looked to the side and snapped her head to look at her hand. Renee looked at how the patterns of Linda’s veins formed on her hand, she looked at the old finger nails and that silver bracelet with ocean royal blue gems. “Yes” was Renee’s reply then she went back into deep thought ‘How could someone so sweet like Linda and John hide a secret that means so much to me’ she thought to herself. She was hurt that she trusted them.


Renee got up and went to her room; Jason followed behind her and held in a hug. He kissed her cheek, she closed her eyes and enjoyed the kiss, and maybe Renee did like Jason more than a friend. All Renee wanted was for Jason to make her forget everything so that she could finally get her head clear. It was like Jason read her mind she placed his fingers under her chin and lifted her head so that she looked into his eyes. He did the unexpected, he kissed her lips so softly and tenderly and she kissed back. They felt the spark and she gasped craving more. He pulled her closer and she kissed him deeply wanting to be close to him as possible. They pulled back slowly “Wow” she said breathlessly and he smiled “Best kiss ever” he said back and held her into a hug.


They spent the day together and kissed each time they got a great chance to and they enjoyed the moment, Jason held Renee close as she sat on his lap on her bed and he would give little kisses on her neck that would make her feel wanted, it was a sweet gesture. Soon it was time to sleep and Kelly took Jason to his room making sure they didn’t do anything in bed that made her blush. She locked her door and read the last letter that she hadn’t had the chance to read.


Renee White…..

Hi there Renee you don’t know me but I know you, Just remember as you grow older the closer I will get to you and when me and him find you, you won’t have enough to call for help. Come and try to find your mother……there is a little map in the envelope that leads you from your house to where she is…. Come as soon as you can, she only has 6 years before you come to find her…..it’s 2009 now by the time you read this she is probably dead already with her body still there to rot.

Love from J…………………….


Renee was scared as she left the house, she didn’t know where to turn to it’s like she was just stuck there and her feet couldn’t move. She was still confused on who J was because on all the other letters her dad signed the letter as Joe. W. She walked a few miles her feet were aching and her head was spinning so much, she was so lost and confused she turned into a random direction looking for the right path. She wanted the truth she wanted everything to fall back into place and finally get back the life she wished she had. A mom and dad was all she ever wanted. Or at least see her mom and dad. “Renee” she turned around and saw Jason “Jason what are you doing? Go back home” She said, but all he did was pull her into a hug and she hugged him back and cried into his shoulder and nuzzled his neck.


Everything is going to be ok babe, let’s go back we can leave tomorrow and find your mom together” his soothing voice said, she didn’t want to listen to him but just wanted to run and find her mom, “No I want my mom” she cried harder, soon after her eyes got droopy and she passed out in his arms and fell asleep. He carried her into his room and laid her on his bed and he got into bed with her and held her close while kissing her cheek leaving his lips pressed onto her cheek and he fell asleep. He wanted her to feel safe around him all the time through the whole journey, he was ready for it all the whole adventure just him and her on their journey where they are alone. He was ready to take her to her mom he had everything he needed; he has his car and they both have enough money and also he has her that was most important to her. Renee was always a sensitive person when it came to her mom and dad, Jason knew that so he wanted to help her get to her mom and dad so that they can unite as a family forever. She needed that, she needed her mom and dad to complete her family and he was determined to get that for her, anything that would make Renee happy made him happy and if that meant to get her parent then so be it he was ready to do that for her.


Half way through the night Renee got up and sat on her window, she stared out of the window feeling as if someone was watching over her, the feeling scared her but she shook it away still peering out of the window and looking forward through the long weeds and grass as they swayed with the wind. Her eyes looked from left to right outside her window till she spotted a moving figure lurking around in the dark; it seemed as if it saw Renee and it ran in the opposite direction, leaving Renee confused about who the person was. She walked to her bed shaking the thought out of her mind and wrapped Jason’s arms around her and she fell asleep again.

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A whole new person

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