Have you ever had this burning hate for a set of words that you -unfortunately and inevitably- keep hearing from someone you love? It was at this time that I was semi-conscious for the very reason that I was anxious and dreading this time in the morning. It was like my body had already adapted and was programmed to be ready for this morning assault.
"Sammy, time to get up baby!"
When I heard those accursed words my heart lost its function. I might as well have a multiple organ dysfunction just to avoid this everyday curse and of course I was an ungrateful person to have thought of this when someone was indeed having this kind of problem in the hospital.
"Sammy, I'm tellin' you baby boy if you don't wake up I'm gonna have your big brother to wrestle your cute little ass!" My mom shouted in a warning tone filled with motherly love.
Why must the twinky goddess let a poor lil boy like me suffer? Why?!
I was having a good dream before my body alarm kicked in. I dreamt of unicorns being crushed by giants. Was this a dream that a 16 year old teenager should have?
But anything was possible now right? With technology's evolution I won't be surprised if there was a machine in which you can control your own dreams.
I hope that time finally arrived so that I can GET RID OF THOSE BLASTED BEASTS.
I don't know why I despise them when they don't even exist in real life.
I let out an exhausted sigh and sat up with my bones popping. Man, I was excited to get home already once I get to school. Why did they even force me to go there? If only I didn't love my mom as much as I loved the stud of my dreams then I'd pack my things and ship myself to 7/11. I need the slurpee.
But I bet that the staff of that store would call the cops on me. Damn it! I was a paying customer!
I threw the covers off of my body and slipped my glasses on. I needed them because I was a gymnast who was born from slipping on random objects scattered on the floor.
I made my way towards the bathroom while dancing like a ballerina and... scratch that.
I was dancing like a man who got his balls cracked. Need to pee need to pee!
I already had a full bladder and I was just too lazy to take a leak.
After draining the gay dragon, I looked at myself in the mirror and...
Holy Trump what was that thing?! Hello? 911? There was a crackpot in my bathroom!
Oh that was just me. Silly Sammy.
My head was aching like it was being hammered by Thor. I knew that I shouldn't have stayed late at night playing computer games. I was practically legally blind. Okay, I was a little bit over the top there. I can still see some things like the souls of the dead.
That gave me shivers. I really need to stop watching horror and I need to stop my overactive imagination because that contributed to my sleepless nights. I sometimes see a figure in my room. It was a man wearing a black hoodie and a baseball cap when in truth it was just my own hoodie and hat hanging by the door. My brain was giving itself a brain attack.
I looked at myself at the mirror once more and it was a miracle that it didn't crack with how I looked. My hair was in the worst bed look it could offer and my face was wrinkled into a frown. I look like a duck that got ran over by a 20 wheeler truck.
"Hello ugly Sammy," I greeted myself.
Hey, not everyone can be confident as Drake and his dancing skills in hotline bling. Excuse me for trampling my self esteem unintentionally. These were the effects of being a single gay kid.
As of today and the following days, I will be entering the most terrifying place on earth:
Yep, I don't know how much I degraded the place where my future was being developed but any kid in my age thought the same right? Well mostly.
Now don't get me wrong. As much as I despised that horrible place containing a lot of vile students, I had good grades. I only went to school for my parents but aside from that, I had no interest in school. I mean, who would be interested in studying in a place where you'll only get treated badly? My whole life, school had become my own hell. Bullies never left me even after I graduated elementary and now I was in my 11th grade, I don't expect that it'll be different. I guess being a nervous wreck and a loner and well, plainly weird, it could really affect my social life. I have this terrible fear of people. It was severe. Hell maybe, it was even more severe than fear.
No it ain't body odor.
No, I do not have a fidget spinner obsession. Geez, why do people steal these toys from ADHD Kids?
I finished my cold shower after 10 minutes. I put some deodorant on my pits and dried my hair before combing it down. I brushed my teeth, put on some vanilla-scented lotion and dreaded the small pimple that was just below my lips. I really wanted to poke it with a needle but that would hurt...a lot.
I slipped on a black hoodie (which signified death in my opinion) and a pair of black tight jeans and black converse. Oh wow, I was in all black today. I wasn't informed that I was going to attend my funeral.
I grabbed my bag containing my books, sketch pad, pencils, pen, and a notebook and headed downstairs with the pace of a drunken snail.
My mom was done cooking breakfast. She was angelic as ever with that chubby build that my dad loved so much. My dad was my chocolate man. He was tall and bald and had an athletic build. He was already wearing his business suit. I don't look like them so maybe I got my looks from my grandpa... From my great great great great great granpa.
As much as I wanted to be related to them by blood, I was adopted together with my older brother Damien. We came from different orphanages and Damien was first to be adopted. My mom wasn't capable of conceiving a child so they just adopted. I was lucky though, before this life and before I even got to the orphanage I had a sickening childhood.
I don't want to talk about it anymore. It just brought memories that were worse than school. Oh wait, diarrhea was worse. The clown in McDonald's also gave me nightmares.
"Hi honey, excited for school?" My mom asked as I took a seat beside my brother. I was excited to start a revolution.
My brother scoffed and took a gulp of his orange juice. My brother and I were close. Not in the incest side like some people were thinking right now but he was the person who would defend me against bullies. His body was in the football body type and I envied him for that. Between the two of us, I was in the skinny type; a complete harmless nerd with a boring hairdo. I just felt sad now that he was in his last year. No one will beat those bullies up anymore. Should I just bring an insect spray? Or should I just bring cookies to signify that I meant no harm?
"When did he ever get excited for school?" Damien asked. "School is hell for this kid." I wanted to pat his back for that. My brother knew my agony and I love him for that.
"Oh come on, I'm sure it will be different," my mom comforted. Those were the same words she told me the last time. Okay, maybe they'll hang me on the flag pole this time. Very comforting mom.
She handed our lunches and we put them inside our backpacks. Mom, can you hand me an axe as well?
"Just be sure to defend your brother Damien," my dad said and sipped his coffee.
My brother stretched his neck side to side and punched his palm lightly like he was already planning what to do with the bullies. "I'll break their necks!" he declared.
It was a fact that my brother had a bad life in the streets before he got into the orphanage. His parents drowned themselves in gambling while he was left having no food on his plate. When I first saw him, I thought that he'll be mean to me and I was scared of him.
I was honestly scared of everyone.
But he and the rest of my family understood me. I couldn't ask for more.
"Now, now, just give 'em a good kicking, don't kill them," my mom warned.
I took a bite of my pancake and felt the anxiety taking over. I literally wanted to spit it out but that would hurt my mom's feelings. This always happened whenever I was going to school. First day was always worst.
I slowly finished up my food and drank my orange juice. My dad was taking us to school. I slowed down my pace of walking towards my dad's car. My brother was already seated by the side of the driver's seat and I was seated at the back.
"Cheer up squirt! I'll be there for you, don't worry," my brother assured.
I smiled weakly and mumbled a 'thanks.' My dad started to drive to school and my heart started to beat fast. My palms were sweaty and my breathing started to hasten up. The drive to the school was faster than I thought.
"Bye kids, Damien watch out for your little brother," my dad called out with a comforting smile.
"Bye dad," I mumbled and got out of my safe haven.
When I raised my head I was in total shock. How many students were there in this school?! Why were they so many?! Exaggerating again but I hated humans.
My nervousness got worst and I felt an arm slung protectively around my neck. Of course, we were enrolled to one of the largest schools in America.
"Come on, relax buddy," my brother whispered.
My brother's tall physique comforted me a lot and even if his arm weighed more than my leg, I wouldn't even think of pushing it away.
"Breathe in," I followed my brother's orders. "Breathe out," he guided. My nerves relaxed a little as I looked down as if the ground was the most beautiful goddess.
Hello floor... Has anyone ever told you that you look beautiful today? You could be a supermodel.
The crowd of students pushed me out of my comfort zone and it irritated me. My eyes furrowed at the girls checking my brother out and my idiot of a brother kept on winking at each and every one of them.
I elbowed Damien lightly making him snort. "Sorry, sorry," he laughed.
Sometimes I wonder if my brother will ever get married since I hate his girlfriends down to the bone. All of the girlfriends he had were either cheating or downright crazy possessive. Don't blame me for my mental over protectiveness...
Once we entered the school, we were greeted with lines of lockers that seemed endless. I was constantly bumped and my brother glared at the students and shoved one or two away. My brother and I took our schedules in the office and he escorted me to my room.
"Here we are," my brother said. When he noticed my uneasiness his face formed into a frown. "Hey relax, you'll be okay."
"Wh-what if, wh-what if I got bullied again?" I asked with teary eyes. "Wha-what if someone trips me? What if someone eats my food?!"
Someone fix my death insurance and file a case to the police for my stolen lunch!
My brother placed his hands on my shoulders in a gentle grip.
"Then you punch them in the face, got it? You'll be okay. When you think of something bad then it'll probably happen. So relax and take deep breaths. I'll pick you up at lunch," he assured and lightly pushed my body inside of the room. You'll pick my 'dead' body at lunch.
His motivating words obviously did not improve my mental state.
I looked at him one last time and he smiled at me. I sighed shakily and found a seat at the last row near the window. The bell rang signifying the start of class and the room was filled with laughing students in all the variety of stereotypes that one could think of.
The teacher was a woman in her mid-thirties and she looked and sounded nice. She was teaching Calculus. Mrs. Smith just started with the outline of the lessons that will be discussed. I paid attention until a boy started sissing at me.
I ignored him and continued to pay attention even though I started to get nervous again. I really hated it when people started talking at me. Talk to the wall but don't talk to Sammy.
"Hey...pssst." I took a side glance and blushed when I saw that he was as handsome as my Nutella cookies.
"Can I borrow a pen?" He asked.
Borrow. Be sure that you return it! Some bitches don't return anything. It would be better if they said "hey, can I have your pen since I know that I won't return it anyway?"
I licked my lips and shakily grabbed a pen from my bag. I shyly handed it to him and took another fast look at him before starting to listen again. The boy's hairstyle was in a stylish and sloppy triangular look but the apex was slightly to the side. It had shades of yellow but it was obvious that his hair was black.
"Thanks man, you are uh...Samuel right?" He asked. Gosh his voice was deep and sexy. If Nutella had a voice it would be his.
"I'm Dominique Panov, nice to meet you," he introduced. I looked at him and a blush started to form in my cheeks. I thought his name was Adonis. He really looked built too.
"Ye-yeah," I whispered. Sometimes I wish I was the son of invisible man.
"Okay class, I hope you understood our orientation for today, class dismiss," our teacher announced.
I quickly stood up from my seat and bolted out of the room after our teacher went out. I didn't want to talk to anyone else. I always requested if I could be home-schooled but my mom didn't want me to be isolated from the world.
My next class was foreign language and I took Spanish. I got inside the room and took the same seat like earlier. I thought I was safe from social engagement but surprise surprise, Dominique sat beside me.
I felt like I was being stalked! Oh come on Sammy, why would a hot guy stalk a lonely and sorry cucumber like you?
"Wow, you should join the track and field dude!" He beamed.
My Eyeees! I'm blind! Was he a toothpaste model? I ignored Dominique's comment and stiffly looked at my hands.
The room was filled with students once again and the teacher -who was a Hispanic man- entered. He had that weird mustache. Geez he looked like he had a vagina on his face with that mustache.
Dominique started cackling like an idiot but he covered his mouth so that he wouldn't be heard by the man.
"Hey Sammy," he called out in a whisper.
I hesitantly looked at him with a confused look. "His mustache looks freaking weird."
I nodded in agreement and blushed. Should I tell him? Hey, I got my ass kicked three times a month. It wouldn't hurt if I started now. "It loo-looks like he h-h-has a va-vagina on his fa-face," I whispered. Maybe he had the same humor as me.
Dominique looked at me with wide eyes and I started to shift nervously on my seat. I knew it! This was another start of a horrible school year.
Oh well, it was worth the shot.
The boy started laughing - horribly loud- as he clutched his stomach. "Oh fuck!" He shouted as he laughed. The teacher glared at him but he continued te-heeing like an idiot.
"What's so funny?" The teacher asked with his hands on his hips.
"No-nothing sir!" Dominique replied with a wide grin on his face.
"This is my first warning boy, if you start laughing again in the middle of my class I will send you out!" The teacher threatened.
"Yessir!" Dominique replied.
He didn't beat me up. Was this pure luck? Or was it because I was already in twink heaven?
After my third class, it was time for lunch. Dominique wasn't in my Anatomy class which I was grateful for. It took me all the courage I could muster just to look at him.
I waited anxiously for my brother and dug my nose in a novel but I wasn't really reading it. I just didn't want to look stupid with the nervous look on my face. After a few minutes, my brother did not yet arrive. Maybe I should look for him? I walked through the empty halls with my head down and bumped into a door.
"So-sorry!" I squeaked.
"Dude, did you just apologize to a door?" A familiar voice asked me. Umm, no, I was apologizing to Casper the ghost.
I jumped when an arm threw itself around me. Well it wasn't just an arm. If it was a mere arm I would be screaming bloody murder and run for my life.
Why was Dominique pushing his handsome glory against me?
I started to tremble and Dominique noticed my uneasiness. "Hey you okay? You look stressed."
No, don't worry about me. I just overdosed myself in laxatives.
I started hyperventilating and Dominique started to panic. And when things just couldn't get any better, a deep voice, a very deep voice startled me. If my heart could leap out, it will and it will grab a skipping rope.
"What's happening here Dom?" the man had that same accent that Dominique had.
It ain't British accent. I didn't even find it appealing. I never find accents attractive until now.
I saw a guy with stuffed muscles approaching us. He just placed all the stuffed turkeys for thanksgiving in shame. Goddess of all twinks...He looked like a Greek god! His black shirt hugged his body tightly and his thighs were thick with muscle. I looked like a pea beside him. I don't know now if I was hyperventilating because of nervousness and social stress or if I was hyperventilating because of this man's hotness. Two other men who were big as him followed and I started to sweat bullets. They were all wearing red jerseys so I assume that they were from the varsity club or something like that. Maybe they were from the ballet club.
This was it...
This was the cue that they will beat me up...
How I wish that they were the nice jocks.
"I'm so-sorry! I'm so so-sorry! Pl-please d-don't cu-cut off my beans and fe-feed them to the frogs!" It was the only logical explanation on why tadpoles looked like sperms.
Yes, I graduated elementary.
"Dude, calm down!"
"What the hell did you do Dom?" One of the studs asked with a chuckle.
"I didn't do a thing man!" Dom defended. I feel so bad for Dominique. He seemed to be a really nice guy but here I was, crying because of some stupid fear that I can't control.
"What do you think you're doing to my little brother?!" A strong, furious voice growled.
Finally! Take my weakling ass away Damien!
Damien engulfed me into a warm hug and I felt pathetic. "Hey dude, I was just trying to make friends with him! Honest!" Dom said.
"My brother had enough with this shit! Get the fuck away from him!" My brother shouted. I looked at the three men and they were pissed. I took all the courage I had and tried to stop the hiccups.
Even though my brother was tough, he can't handle guys who were made of pure muscle and I was practically useless. I can't even move to call the school nurse.
"Da-Damien, pl-please th-they di-didn't do an-anything. I-I just h-had one of m-my ne-nervous-bre-breakdown," I stuttered.
Damien still had that fierce look on his face and he hugged me closer to him. "You sure they are not scaring you?"
I shook my head and shyly looked at Dominique who had a concerned look on his face. "I'm so-sorry Dom-Dominique."
Dominique's face formed a relieved expression. "No harm done dude. Man, you had me worried."
I was guilty and ashamed. "Hey, you're the one who joined the Football team right?" The guy who stood as if he was the leader, questioned.
"Yeah, and I assume you're the proud junior captain?" My brother replied.
My bro sounded prideful and his tone was cocky. His fearless personality was one of those things that I admired from him but sometimes I wish he would just shut up to save us the trouble.
"Yes, the name's Kingsley Hunter," the man extended his hand and my brother took it.
"Damien Corrigan, this is my brother Samuel Corrigan. Sorry, my brother is not really fond of socializing. But, we're working it out," my brother said and ruffled my hair.
"I'll help! We have the two same classes," Dom cheered.
"Yeah, that'll be great, thanks. Anyway, we better go, my brother is already starving," Damien said. He already calmed down from his rage.
"See you whenever Sammy!" I realized that nickname made me feel like an old man in a farm.
"O-okay." I took a glance at King again and blushed when I saw him looking at me. Or maybe I was imagining it because I wanted him to look at me? Oh my twink. Stop it Sammy.
I let my brother lead me out of the group. Will the day ever come when I will act normally around people?
My brother and I ate the ham sandwich our mom made. He even bought me some chocolate and vanilla pudding.
"You okay? I'm sorry I was late, I signed up for the football club, and I didn't think the line was long," he informed me.
"It's okay," I said to him and savored the flavor of vanilla in my mouth. "I'm sorry for being a burden; you almost got kicked out of the football team because of me."
Damien frowned and ruffled my hair. "I'd quit anything for you and you know it's not your fault; it was those fucking abusive assholes who made your life hell."
I nodded and willed my tears away. Only Damien and my parents knew what happened to me in the past. It was a memory that I just couldn't bury. It was a nightmare containing the monsters of my childhood.
After eating lunch, my brother escorted me to my next class and he promised to arrive on time. My next subject was Fine arts. My favorite. There was a canvass in front of each chair. I sat on the chair by the window and relaxed. My eyes were red and puffy and they hurt.
I looked at the blank white canvass and thought of what to paint. I was really excited that I didn't notice the boys who we met before enter the room. Dominique peeked at me above the canvass with that silly smile.
"Hello kitten!" He greeted making my mouth open slightly.
He flopped on the chair beside me and my jaw dropped when King sat behind me. Gosh, his aura was intimidating. Was he going to eat me? I bet his ancestors were cannibals.
Dear Twink Goddess please don't let him eat me alive!
Our teacher for art class finally entered the room which had me thanking whoever was up there for creating such a fine specimen. It felt like forever for him to arrive and he was just a minute late. I was getting uncomfortable with this hunk of meat having the aura of Goku in his Super Saiyan mode.
I shifted uncomfortably on my chair and focused my attention to our hunkalicious teacher. Dear Twink he was gorgeous. How did he end up being an art teacher if he could be a super model? His hair was black as the night sky; his collared shirt hugged his muscular torso tightly and his jeans had done well emphasizing that ass. Yes, I was ogling that ass. Hell, he looked like Lucifer in all black even though I haven't seen the devil himself.
Oh please don't visit me. I have seen too much Insidious movies and I will never see a nun the same way again.
"Hello class, I am Gregory Craftheart, I will be your teacher for this whole year," the teacher introduced and wrote his name on the board.
I think I have a crush on him. I hope this didn't end up in me having a relationship with my teacher like those stories I've read. That would be too cliché and besides, who would even like me? Sure the floor hadn't given up on me despite the fact that I always stepped on it but you can never be sure with fellow humans.
"Alright class, your activity for today will serve as your attendance. Paint anything on those canvasses of yours and write your name at the bottom. Mind you, that will be graded as your first activity. Just paint something simple," Mister Gregory instructed with a warm smile.
The students groaned in despair and I was internally celebrating in joy. I sighed happily and brought out my art materials from my bag. Now what to draw? Should I just draw Mister Craftheart? That might build an issue knowing that humans were natural gossipers and rumor makers. I'll just draw a wolf. Wolves were majestic. Penguins were majestic too but they walk like their balls were kneed since birth.
I started to sketch first and enjoyed the different strokes of my pencil. The side of my hand would surely be smeared with charcoal. After I was done, a finger tapped on my shoulder causing me to jolt and accidentally hit the cup of water that I was going to use for my watercolor. The cup fell on my pants and drenched it like I peed.
"Oh damn, sorry," Kingsley murmured and brought out his handkerchief from his pocket and started wiping my pants.
My eyes focused on his hand. My ears began to blocked out every noise and I could see Kingsley's mouth moving as he talked. My mind was playing games with me again as the words coming out from Kingsley's mouth became whispers and laughter. Cold sweat surfaced from my skin. Fear held me paralyzed. My heart started pounding wildly. My mind was completely blank and was beginning to default into its self-destructing mode.
Stop touching me....
"Ge-get...away..." I wheezed.
Kingsley looked at me with those stern blue eyes. I could see worry in them. "Hey are you okay?" he asked.
I shut my eyes close but Kingsley's image was replaced with people who I try to bury in the back of my mind each day in order to survive mentally and emotionally.
I shivered in fear. Kingsley snapped his fingers in front of me getting me out of my startled form and preventing the shadows of my sick memories creeping near me.
Thank goodness he stopped touching me. He must have noticed my uneasiness when being touched. If he didn't stop, I could have gone crazy again and started shouting.
"Sorry, you dropped one of your pencils," he said and I nodded. He handed me his handkerchief and his eyes were still filled with concern. "Wipe your face," he told me and went back to his chair.
I looked at the handkerchief in confusion and touched my face. How embarrassing. I cried in front of a stranger again. I wiped the tears before they dried and I caught the nice scent of King in the handkerchief.
I placed the handkerchief on top of my wet crotch and just refilled my water from the water bottle that I brought. I looked blankly at the canvass and paid no mind at the light sketch that I have done. I drew on a new paper and let my hands do all the work. I used dark colors: red, black, blue, violet and grey to my art. I didn't notice the time until Mister Gregory called my name. I looked at him and I was startled that I was the only one sitting here. Mister Gregory smiled at me and my cheeks became warm. I signed my name at the bottom of my artwork and stood up.
"You were so concentrated in your work that I didn't want to disturb you. Your classmates already left thirty minutes ago," Mister Gregory chuckled and I played with my fingers in embarrassment.
"I-I'm sorry sir," I stuttered.
Mister Gregory smiled at me. "It's alright, I'll see you next meeting then," he said and I nodded shyly before sprinting out of the room.
Damien was already waiting for me outside of the room. He was playing on his android. I guess he didn't notice the time as well since he was cursing at the boss who killed him. I patted his shoulder and he looked at me with a grin.
"Hey buddy," he said and put his android in his pocket. "How's art class?"
"It's fine..." I mumbled. He slung his arm around my neck and we started walking out of the school. The corridors were already empty.
"So...what's up? You have that look again in your face," Damien commented and I bowed my head in shame.
I don't like being this way. I wish I could interact normally without me being a pussy.
"I'm sorry...I just remembered them," I said. I saw Damien scowl before heaving a sigh.
"I directly heard from you how badly they damaged you but I can never know how you feel. I just know that you're scared. But...try to move on little bro, they're not here to hurt you anymore and you're safe now. You have mom, dad, and me. So there's nothing to be afraid of anymore okay? This school is the start of a new life," Damien comforted and grinned. He held me closer to his body.
Some people may say that it was insensitive of Damien to tell me to move on as if what I've been through wasn't some form of high grade abuse but I want to move on. I didn't want to be a burden to them anymore.
I offered him a slight smile and held the tears that dared to flow out. Damien was right. They were not here anymore.
"Okay," I murmured and Damien ruffled my hair.
"Don't worry, I'll help you. I've always had your back right?" Damien cooed.
Yeah, except when you see a pretty girl that got you balls drop at first sight. I really love Damien but he can be an idiot when he was in love.
I'll try to do what my brother said.
The past was already behind me.
But history can repeat itself.
Why was I so negative? Geez. This was the reason why people have mental breakdowns. I'd be one of those insane teenagers who got paranoid over air like they had rabies. People who had rabies had aerophobia.
I can do this. You can do this Sammy. Just take a deep breath, tuck your balls in your boxers and puff your chest out.
I just don't know how to start...
How can I start when my body reminded me everyday what they had done to me?
How can I heal the wounds when they had scarred me so deeply? Not just physically but also emotionally and mentally.
And just thinking about not being able to move on just made me feel worse.
Our dad picked us up with his car. We were supposed to head home but dad made a quick drive to Dairy Queen. Ahh chocolate fudge. Mom didn't want us to have dessert before dinner but dad was also a rule breaker.
"Be sure not to leave any evidence on your clothes or mouth or we'll have an angry mama bear," dad warned. I nodded as I savored the chocolate goodness in my mouth. "Especially you Sammy!"
Oh come on, two hours of lecture wasn't so bad.
When we arrived, I kissed mom on the cheek and I quickly went to my room feeling tired as ever.
I took a quick shower and wore a big shirt and my strawberry shortcake boxers. Big shirts were comfy. I should shop for the extra large ones I get the chance.
First day was the best when it came to homework because first day meant no homework. I can laze around for tonight.
I threw myself on the bed and put on my earphones before digging my nose in my phone to read novels. My mom's head popped behind the door and she said something that I didn't hear. Oh well. She must be telling me to eat already. I bet we have lasagna. I can smell the cheese in the air.
After an hour or so, my brother came in with a huge smile on his face.
Which meant he was up to something...
I took off my earphones and that was when I heard party music booming in the house. Damn, how loud was the volume in my phone that I didn't hear my brother throwing a party?!
I peeked out of my window and saw students from my new school dancing. I knew we shouldn't have bought a big house. Big houses were prone for my brother throwing big parties. But this...was just horrible! There were lots of people this time unlike the last party he threw and mind you, even if there were only a few people in that last party, that party resulted into a complete disaster.
Why was he throwing a party in the first day of class and how did he manage to invite so many people?!
Ugh, the power of a social butterfly.
Wasn't he informed that I had a fear of PEOPLE?! Was he just born yesterday? If this was the way he planned on helping me get out of my shell then screw this; I'm not getting out of this room.
"Let's go man! I'll introduce you to the team!" Damien said.
I need a team of therapists and psychiatrists thank you very much.
I shook my head and hid myself under the sheets. "No," I deadpanned.
Damien lied on top of me and hugged me through the sheets. "Come on, I promised I'll help you didn't I? Well this is the start of my special service! I'll mend your broken heart tonight!" he cheered.
You mean break my ass and crush my already crushed spirits.
"Damien, I can't, this is too much!" I protested.
Damien took a moment to reply before huffing. "Fine, but at least grab some food in the kitchen, I don't want you to starve," Damien said.
You mean grab food and socialize. Yes, my brain can filter your words and intentions.
"Why can't you just bring me some?" I asked.
"I need to entertain some guests. Come on this is a big step," he encouraged.
You mean a big step backwards right?
Damien took his leave while whistling.
Sometimes my brother could be such a demon.
I groaned and closed my eyes. I was not even hungry anyway.
Just then...my stomach growled.
I bit my lip in anxiety and walked towards the door. Oh wait pants! I dashed towards my cabinet and grabbed a pair of jeans. Gosh, I was so nervous that my hands were trembling. My mind was beginning to go into a dumb flat line.
Okay...I was still not ready but what the hell?! It was go time! Time to die!
I can do this, I'll just have to run downstairs, grab some milk and cookies from the kitchen and run back to this room in ten seconds! Okay...1, 2, 3
And I'm still standing like an idiot. Okay!
1, 2, 3.
Nice Sammy. Nice. I was still standing.
Okay, I'll make a deal with myself. If I don't grab some food, I'll have a horror movie marathon by myself but if I do get to grab some food, then I'll make Damien treat me ice cream! Deal? Okay!
1, 2, 3 GO!
I whipped the door open and almost fainted when my face hit the most muscular muscle I have ever crashed into. I looked up to the man in a millisecond. It was really dark in the hallways so I couldn't get to see his face more. Scratch that. I was petrified to even look again.
I wasn't really sure if he was Kingsley since my eyes barely reached his nose. But only one person could have these muscles. I think the rest of the school's population visited McDonald's often.
"Uh hey, your brother told me to ask you for a shirt since I spilled beer on mine," Kingsley (?) said.
I don't think this was Kingsley. Was he Kingsley? His voice was different. I was too afraid to look!
I swallowed a lump in my throat and cursed my brother. "O-Okay," I said.
I walked towards my brother's room and Kingsley followed me. Was it another teammate? I should relax. Take a deep breath Sammy. You have literal balls down there. It was time to let them loose and saggy. He won't hurt me.
I opened my brother's cabinet and took out a black shirt and handed it to Kingsley without looking at him at the face. My heart skipped a beat when he brought his body so close to mine. Why was he so close?!
"You're really cute you know that?" he flirted.
He can't be Kingsley. Kingsley seemed decent enough not to flirt with the guy who had obvious panic attacks. This wasn't good. This was not good at all. I looked at the door and was ready sprint at any time but my leg muscles were jammed. I was right. I wasn't ready for this. Someone give me a crow bar so that I can un-jam these legs!
The guy grabbed my face causing me shut my eyes quickly and instinctively push his chest. He crashed his lips into mine and I took the very opportunity to bite his tongue that kept on poking my lips. I let out panicked breaths and short shouts. The man who was clearly not Kingsley dropped me and nursed his bleeding muscle.
"Son of a-!"
I didn't know how to react...
Should I panic?
Should I be scared?
I-I just bit someone's tongue! That mere fact made my panic attack delay for a bit.
I hurriedly scrambled towards the door only to have someone blocking the way. It was the real Kingsley. At this moment my anxiety was rising. I need to bite someone's tongue again to delay this feeling.
"Sire, don't scare him. He is off limits," the Kingsley-voice-alike said. I finally took the courage to look at them better and my eyes moved like a ball in a tennis match. "And fucking don't kiss him. Damien will fucking castrate you."
Sire laughed and removed his shirt. I tried my best not to look at his upper torso. The guy was built.
"Oh come on, I can't play with the little guy? And besides, it's how I welcome the new kids who are as cute as him," he said and winked at me. I was too shocked to be scared. "Don't worry, I like the feisty ones. You still have a chance."
King scoffed. "That's why I've always wondered why you don't get STD's. Let go of him before I kick your ass," Kingsley threatened as he stared at Sire with a murderous look.
"Condoms genius, condoms," Sire pointed out.
"I'll give you the punctured ones next time," King retorted. "Samuel, your brother is looking for you, let's go," Kingsley urged.
"O-Okay," I mumbled.
"Don't worry. I won't let this moron get close to you," he said and Sire cackled.
They had almost the same height but Kingsley was taller.
"Hey Sammy, your zipper is open," Sire snickered. Blood rose up to my face and I quickly zipped my zipper. "Love those boxers by the way."
No, I was not in paradise!
"Will you stop embarrassing him?!"
To say I was shaking was an understatement....
My body was experiencing its own earthquake and it was intensity 10. Once I got my body downstairs, I dashed passed through Sire and King and spun like a ballerina to not get in touch with the dancing figures of different sexes. I made my way to the kitchen where a guy and his girlfriend were having sex with other students from our school taking a video. Ugh, typical American teenagers. Get a room!
Then again...Sex in the kitchen huh? I should try it sometime...when I get this disorder out of my mind! I should remember to clean their genital fluids or maybe Damien should do the cleaning since he was such a jerk for throwing this party while our parents were out. Wait, was the guy wearing condoms? I swear, if that girl got pregnant, I'll make sure to ask her to make me the uncle.
"So hey, how's the baby you made in our kitchen? I bet he's lookin' hella fresh from the oven."
"Hey babe, wanna join? Ahhh!" The girl who was hiding the salami asked me while moaning.
I stared at her like she was some kind of lunatic that got out of the mental hospital. I shook my head and grabbed the box of milk out of the refrigerator and snatched the box of cookies from one of the upper shelves.
"Sammy!" My idiot of a brother came in with a beer in his hand and a girl in his arm.
She was a blondie. They look good. My brother should introduce her to me once my evil thoughts of interrogating her witch bloodline were gone.
I was not jealous...I just didn't want my brother to get hurt again. He had a lot of heartbreaks. Damien wasn't one of those jocks who would just fuck a girl and leave her. He was the one who would really be serious in relationships. He never had sex with someone he did not know. The only problem with him was the fact that he can't pick the right girl without basing his criteria from the size of the boobs and the symmetry of the face.
Once my brother was here, Dominique, King and two other guys came in.
"Bunny- ew guys get a room!" Dominique shouted and ruffled my hair before withdrawing quickly.
I gave him a small smile for being so quick to pick up that I didn't want to be touched by someone. He gave the couple a disgusting look and the two took it out in the living room.
"Is this your brother Damien?" one of the big guys asked.
"Yeah he is. He is my one and only adorable brother!" Damien said proudly.
Yes Damien, embarrass me. Let the sinkhole swallow my being so that I can lose the chance of getting married.
I winced when I heard a loud crashing at the living room which I assume was the 100 inches flat screen television which my dad loved to watch football in. Well, there goes Damien's chance of getting a car for his birthday. I'll just get him the mini one that was the size of my pinky. I think that cost less than a dollar.
"He looks so cute! Why don't I see any resemblance between you two?" The girl asked and looked at me and Damien as she searched for any similitude in our faces.
Um, girl, maybe because we came from different vaginas? Did you not see the huge ass family portrait in the living room?
"Well I know who got the good genes. Damien is the big ugly guy and Sammy is the small cute babe!" Dominique said and grinned at me. I can never get angry at Dominique when he was so nice to me.
"I'm ugly?" Damien scoffed.
"Yeah you are, you're fucking fugly," Dom insulted and laughed. "Ain't he bunny? Agree with me!" He cheered out loud –too loud if I may say- thus making me cringe.
"You're breathing his air Dom. Stop being annoying," King scolded.
"Awww big tiger is preying on another twink huh? I bet the other guy had another dick up in his ass that you didn't get a chance to fuck him," one of their companions teased. That wasn't nice. Why were kids so rude these days?
The atmosphere in the room suddenly became heavy as King glared at the guy he was with. In my opinion, that guy really had an annoying sadistic smile. He had an unruly hair, his face was a bit scary as well and he had that creepy smile. Don't get me wrong, he was good looking but based from the way he talked, he was one of the guys that I would avoid as much as possible.
"I bet he died from STD's and not from suicide or maybe he did commit suicide because he had STD's," he added.
"John, you're a bastard you know that?!" Dominique growled.
I took a quick peek at King and I saw the rage in his expression. He was clenching his fists and he looked at John like he was going to cut the oxygen from his balls.
John shrugged innocently. "What? Hey Sammy right? Let me give you a good advice, don't fuck with this guy. His last boyfriend was a whore that he even let his-" before John could even finish his sentence he was already punched straight at the face. My body did a backward tango as I jerked farther away from the event.
"Samuel, go upstairs," Damien ordered sternly and I wasted no time to quickly running upstairs.
When I was about to close my door, I heard some crashing and shouting between the pumping music. I placed my food on my desk and jumped on my bed. I put my earphones in my ears and raised the volume up to block the noise that made me shiver. My breath was shaky and my whole body was cold all over.
I wiggled myself under the covers and closed my eyes. I don't want to eat anymore. This whole party was making me feel anxious and it was all Damien's doing.
The soft instrumental music soothed my anxiety a little. I had to toss and turn to get my sleep and when I did, I had another mess to deal with in a non-physical scenario.
I had that feeling of being dropped on my bed again. My body quickly tensed from the feeling and I opened my eyes and rubbed them. I sat up and grabbed the box of milk on my table before chugging a quarter of it down. My door squeaked as it moved to leave a partition of light to pass through. My muscles tensed even more.
"Damien?" I called out but there was no reply. The door was suddenly knocked open sending my heart into a panic attack. There was no one there...Who opened it?
The door was then forcefully shut in a loud bang and that left no light to enter. I screamed in fear. Not a single light from the windows can be seen. It was pitch black and my ragged and noisy breathing bothered me.
Someone was here.
Someone was going to kill me!
My surroundings were suddenly illuminated by a bright and humid appearance of orange. The blue paint of my room withered and was replaced by green ones as the sizzling sound of fire occurred. My bed became the floor and my feet were chained to the wall. My clothes were already gone and my closed wounds that were scars before opened. My body became that of a child again. The brown chipped door that I always look at squeaked open and he appeared before me with the same excited expression. My breath hitched when the man took my face in his hand. His handsome features to most people were hideous to my eyes. A sadistic smile formed on his lips and I felt the blood draining from my face.
This was just a dream right?
This was just a dream.
He was dead. He can't be alive.
"Hello Samuel... You're so pretty when you are drenched in your own blood. How do you like the wounds that my whip gave you?" he asked in that rich silky voice.
He was in the same suit that he always wore every time he came to this room. He walked closer and I backed up against the wall. His cologne made my stomach sick. The scent became stronger and stronger that it hurt when I breathe.
"Yo-you're dead! You can't be here!" I shouted.
The man took the whip that was hooked to his belt. He released a laugh that made another wave of shiver down my spine. "Why would I leave you? I don't have the heart in me to do that..." he whispered.
His face was slowly getting distorted, like wax getting melted. I screamed in fear and pushed him away when he inched his face to mine.
"Get away from me! This isn't real! You're dead!" I shouted. The man grabbed my neck and backhanded me.
He lifted me up in the air and I choked and gasped for oxygen. I grasped his arm with my two hands and started kicking but my short legs didn't reach him. This was not real, this was just a dream. I already left this place!
"I'll take you with me in hell!" he declared and the room lit up into fire just like what happened years ago.
"I love you Samuel..." he said and gave me another sick smile.
Whispers of my name came out from his mouth as he tightened his hold around my neck. My eyes pushed out tears as I become frustrated with every struggle. Stop saying my name.
Stop saying my name!
Someone help me!
"Wake up Sam!" Damien's voice replaced the whispers. I looked down and saw his face changing into my brother’s.
"Sam!" he shouted in the voice of my brother.
I wheezed and sat up. I put a hand on my neck and then cautiously looked for the man in my nightmares. It was already morning.
"Nightmare?" he asked and sat on the edge of the bed taking me into his arms.
"Y-yeah..." I croaked and hugged him back. We stayed like that for a minute or two until I was able to calm myself.
"Look, I'm sorry, no more parties okay?"
You just realized that now?
"Come on, let's get to school. You should shower up and get down."
"Is mom here yet?" I asked and wiped my tears.
This was another common day for all of us. At first Damien and my parents had to work together to keep me from hurting myself. I was hostile and it was like I didn't know any of them. In my eyes, they were all my torturers.
"Yep," he replied.
I saw his red, sleepy eyes and I chuckled. I guess he stayed up late last night cleaning the mess.
"Give me ten minutes," I murmured and I pushed him out of my room.
I didn't want to go to class today with my current mental state but I can't miss second day of class.
I quickly took a shower, brushed my teeth, put on some deodorant and wore a white v-neck shirt and black skinny jeans. I wore my black converse and brushed my hair before going downstairs.
When I got there I saw King, Sire, and Dominique eating. The house was cleaned up like nothing happened last night, well except for the broken screen of the television.
"Hey Bunny!" Dominique greeted.
I was really getting annoyed with the name he came up with. Do I look like I love carrots? No, I hate those carrots!
I grunted in response and took my seat beside Damien. My mom was flipping pancakes and dad was sipping his coffee while reading his newspaper.
"Hey honey! How was your night?" My mom asked.
Oh, it was simply magnificent! After Damien throwing a party, I got in bed and dreamed of my Prince Charming killing me! Hahahaha It was lovely! Words cannot express it... Hey, ever heard of not leaving an underage kid in the care of an irresponsible 18 year old?
King looked at me and smiled causing a blush on my face.
"So, what happened to the T.V?" Dad asked. Tension said hello to everyone and Damien froze and gave a shaky laugh.
Well hello awkward tension. Good morning. What made you come so early in the morning?
"Well uhm you see dad, me and the guys were practicing a new technique for our game so we accidentally hit the T.V.," Damien reasoned out and I rolled my eyes.
"Damien...did you throw a party again?" Dad asked and Damien was sweating bullets.
Dad, you shouldn't assume things correctly. How can he throw a party next time when you have the sharpest instinct of a parent?
I just ignored them since Damien deserved it and sipped my milk. "Sam, I know you won't lie to me, did your brother throw another crazy party again?"
Ugh, why was I part of this? I didn't do anything. Why did you have to include me in this tension dad? Oh shut up tension, you aren't helping. Go tense someone else. You've been bothering me ever since I got abused.
I looked at Damien and he was pleading me with his eyes. Dominique winked at me. Sire took another plate of freshly made pancakes from my mom and King just spared me a look before going back to his bacon. He looked really good in that sleeveless shirt though. Those muscles flexed as he took his spoon in his mouth. I never thought bacon can get this sexy.
"Sam!" My dad called out.
Sire and Dominique were chuckling and I saw King controlling his smirk. My body started to heat up in shame. Oh gosh, did they see me staring?! I didn't have a crush on him or anything! He just looked really attractive! I started fumbling with my fingers and nibbled my bottom lip.
"Well?" Dad pushed on.
Dad, why would you place the pressure on me? Let me think of a lie that can hopefully save Damien's ass so that he can throw another party. Hey, maybe he'll get arrested next time. I bet I'll be staying in prison for the night until our parents come to pick us up.
"I-I umm the-they had a sleepover and they watched Mean Girls?" I lied.
Damien gave me a look of disbelief. Oh now you were judging me? Do you want me to tell them about your porn addiction?
"Ye-eah! We had a tea! We definitely are fond of tea parties, we're British after all!" Dominique added.
"We are?" Sire asked. His Russian accent was reeking.
Dad raised his brows and just shook his head. He didn't need to ask but he did just to make Damien feel guilt and wet his pants. After breakfast, Dominique, Sire and King went to their own big black shiny truck.
"See you at school then!" Sire said. I took a glance at King and just noticed the bruise on his left cheek. I guess I was too busy looking at his muscles.
"Yeah, I had a fun time drinking tea with you all," Damien joked and all of them laughed.
I got in the car and chuckled. That was a bit funny I guess. I looked at the window and saw King at the backseat of the truck. King looked back at me and waved. I blushed and directed my gaze on my lap.
Damien got in and winked at me. "Soooo, do you have a crush on-"
"NO!" I answered.
"You being defensive means that you are," Damien said.
I felt my cheeks flush. What was there to like? Sure he was brawny and good-looking but I won't be as shallow as my brother when it came to my romance life if there was any.
"Damien, stop bullying your brother," dad scolded. Damien snickered and I sunk in my seat.
Knowing Damien, he'll dive deeper into this matter.