Where were we were going that day on the freeway? I had no idea. All I know is I was languishing in the car which seemed like an ambulance stuck in traffic. My mom tried consoling me by singing, “Un día a la vez, Dios mío/ es lo que pido de ti/ dáme la fuerza para vivir/ un día a la vez./ Ayer ya pasó, Dios mío/ mañana quizas no vendrá/ dáme la fuerza para vivir/ un día a la vez."
Knowing I had only to live un dia a la vez, one day at a time, and not a drag of an existence, alleviated part of my suffering; my mom's singing was not in vain.
I felt hell had come to Earth
I felt like Jesus was going down to hell again to rescue the souls that belonged to Him, including me. I felt like the whole world was suffering spiritually, and that I especially was being preyed upon by the Enemy of souls for some reason.
I wasn't hungry yet ate as if I had to eat for the poor children of the world, "Eat for your Great-grandmother in Honduras who loves you so much," Mom coaxed me to drink and eat and Horchata and half a hamburger.
I saw a great eagle out there in the arid mountains. This dark eagle was to my left. To my right, I imagined a great white eagle: it was the battle between evil and the Light; I was caught in between.
As we waited for a doctor in the check-up room at Harbor-UCLA Medical Center.
My Dad massaged my back for a while, in the check-up room at Harbor because I was tense from hardly ever sleeping. My Dad’s hands soothed me as if he had secret powers. After the massage, my Dad revealed something wrapped up in a white napkin, from his cap with his keys, pen, and cell phone. It was the half of some kind of sandwich. It was for me. It was so good, I ate slowly to not waste it. I told my mom this was the best food I had ever tasted, and really I meant it. My mom remarked to my dad about how much I loved him that even this simple salami with Swiss cheese sandwich was the best thing ever for me.
Finally a doctor came. He asked me questions I could not answer as I was in a daze, so my parents answered for me. As the doctor with nice blue eyes drew blood from my left arm, I hallucinated a lion with wings in my blood and other things, floating beneath my skin. They were testing my blood to see if I had any drugs in my system. I knew I didn't. What I had was on a spiritual level, and not on a tangible one. I can still recall the moment the needle was poked beneath my skin. This pain was nothing compared to the pain I had had to endure on those sleepless paranoid nights back at the apartment on Vernon Street. My muscles were rigid, my neck tight, overall my body was stiff. I literally felt like there were demons inside my bones, ever since that old medicine-woman said, “she has the Devil,” and didn’t let me inside her house through the front door.