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 I am original Dutch, so my English is not that good. This book is therefore originally written in Dutch. Because lack of experience and time, I use google translate to translate the book for now. Sonbe aware that there will be many grammatical mistakes and many sentences will not be well formulated! 

In the final version, this will be        corrected of course. 

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Chapter 1, Jade

 I could just look over the top of the boxes in my hands. I staggered and had to stand still for a moment to find my balance again. Because it was more difficult than it seemed by the weight in the boxes. All my and my mother's belongings were in there. The house that we walked into was our new home. It was cozy and already decorated. Quite funny actually, in Spain you buy a house with the complete furnishings there, but still the houses were a lot cheaper than where we first lived. I heard my mother calling me. Will it be sweet? I nodded, but realized she could not see me through the boxes. Ehhh ... yes, please, I could use some help. I said as I held as quietly as possible so that I did not become out of balance again. I felt the weight drop in my arms and I could see again. Mom was standing in front of me with the box in her hands. I smiled back. We put them in the living room and I walked back to the kitchen where I unpacked a box containing the kitchen stuff. I was still very hungry this afternoon, but after I had seen this cockroach walking around here, my appetite quickly disappeared. I looked back into the living room again. The boxes filled almost the entire floor so that the beige stone floor was no longer visible. The room was just small, because we did not have so many boxes, since we had fled headlong to Spain. The boxes I had just put down were almost the only ones. It was already late and dark, but you could hear that Spain was far from going to sleep. I sighed. I think I'm going to sleep mom. Is good Jade, I'll pick up the boxes. I walked up the marble staircase and my sneakers made a squeaky sound on the smooth surface. I walked into my room. It was a small room with a bunk bed, not that someone was sleeping next to me. I brushed my teeth and let myself plop on the bed. I stared at the ceiling and then turned to my. I saw a picture of a small child with a lot of raven black hair on her head with a big hug next to her. She looked at me sweetly with her twinkling eyes and innocent smile. I went to lie on my other and saw myself in the big ugly mirror. My brown hair was confused and under my eyes, bags were clearly visible from the nights lying awake. My father disappeared 5 months ago. He was suddenly gone, without warning or symptoms that it was not going well. He had left a note. Miriam, Jade, if you read this I'm probably already gone. Do not come looking for me. Get away as soon as possible here and never let my name fall again. I love you, Robert. It was short, and I had read it more than a hundred times. Mom was broken. For days she had not left her room and when she finally got out she decided to move to Spain. Just far away from home and our old life. So now we are here, in this little house by the sea and I have to go to a new school. I understand Mom, but she should not have dragged me in here. But that was again a result of porridge that went away. This was just all his fault, he should not have gone. I closed my eyes and concentrated on my breathing. But sleep did not really succeed through those mosquitoes. I heard cars pass by and cats meow. The frogs in the river across from our house also did their best to keep me awake. But in spite of everything, after a while I fell asleep.

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Chapter 2, Jade

 I'm leaving mom! I called from the threshold. Wait a second! I heard Mom walk from the stairs. Good luck today. I smiled, but it was not real. Because inside I died from the nerves. What if I accidentally hit a wrong street and came too late, or that nobody allowed me? Hey, Jade, look at me. I looked comforting in my mother's eyes. It'll be fine. You are beautiful and nice, so you do not have to worry about anything. She smiled softly and hugged me. See you, honey. I felt the knot in my stomach becoming looser and could breathe normally again. I released myself from her arms and took a step backwards. Bye mam. I turned around and walked through the front yard. The rhododendron was in full bloom and smelled delicious. I opened the gate and crossed the street, the street was quiet, but the cars that drove there were ridiculously loud. Across the street from our house was a large piece of land. It was with high dry grass, thistles and reeds on the side of the river that flowed through it. In addition, a large garden with I think 30 chickens and some chicks. I walked past it and suddenly I heard noise coming from the bushes, I was startled and turned around. There was a brown labrador on the other side of the fence. He came up to me cheerfully, already waggling. I smiled and the alarm went down again. The dog pushed against the fence and I stroked it between the bars. He looked at me with his friendly eyes and licked me with a dry tongue. He looked thin and had a collar that looked too small. Then suddenly I saw a man in the corner of my eye. He stood staring at me in the corner of the huge garden. I quickly got up and went off in a trot. That was really freaky ... soon I saw the school appear, it was a big concrete block with a few windows. You could not really overlook it. The huge fence around it was quite frightening and it looked more like a heavily guarded prison than a high school. Everywhere in the schoolyard, groups of people were chatting and laughing. I walked into the square while I looked at my feet. But as soon as I set foot in the square, I felt an uncomfortable sense of inferiority. Cans kept hanging on me and people stared at me. Sharp glances, which seemed to look through me, that I saw was scared. I felt the burning sun on my pale skin and continued quickly. Soon they will forget me again, later they will forget me again and they just continue talking. But it remained uncomfortably quiet in the schoolyard. I could breathe again as soon as I was inside. What happened in the name of God? I took my phone out of my pocket and looked at which room I had to go. I had history, local 13. I looked around me, no signs or a reception where I could ask. I did a gamble and walked to the right. It was remarkably quiet inside, as opposed to outside. The only sound I heard was the soft buzzing of the lights above my head. The doors with numbers slid past my view. 38, 37, 36. But at the end of that corridor was number 22. And then a wall. Dead end. I heard a loud bell and was startled. Then I realized that if I did not get on, I would be late. The people came in. They were whispering, no longer chatting like they did at first. I quickly walked out of the hall and towards the crowd. I tapped a girl and with an unnatural speed she turned around. She seemed scared when she saw me. You're the new girl right? If I have to say one thing to you, it is that you should be away as quickly as possible. The girl turned around and continued quickly. I stopped, startled. What did that mean ?! I walked on and looked around me. Number 64, 65, 63. This did not help either. I turned around and ran towards the stairs. My bag felt heavy as I flew up the step. The upper floor was identical to the ground floor. How could I ever find room 13 if I could not ask anyone? I ran to the right again. I heard laughter from below. I looked around for a moment but did not see the threshold. I felt how I flew forward with a tremendous speed. Well, this was the end of my first day of school, a complete disaster. But I did not feel the ground. I had not fallen. I opened my eyes carefully. I stared straight into the face of a tall blond boy with very blue eyes. Slowly he put me upright again. Is everything alright? He sounded worried. I finished my clothes. Yes thank you. I said as I looked nervously at my feet. Why such a hurry? I have to go to room 13, but I have no idea where it is. I am new here. The worried look vanished and made room for a smile. I thought so. Local 13 is still up a flight of stairs and then to the right. I nodded and was already trying to walk away, but he grabbed my wrist. And please do not try to get hurt, that would be a shame. He winked at me and let me go. Where in the world did I end up?

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L. U. Bennett

Again, when characters are speaking you need to use inverted commas. He said, she said is okay, in fact it is preferred. Keep dialogue tags like 'she gasped' or 'she said angrily' to an absolute minimum. Show, don't tell. By this I mean describe emotions don't tell them. For example, if someone is crying, don't say they were crying, describe it. Tears pooling in their eyes, blotchy nose etc. A reader wants to be drawn into your story, they see themselves in the story. There are some great books to help you understand this better.
There is a great analogy: Don't tell me the moon is shining, show me the glint of light on broken glass. I hope this was helpful.

Chapter 3, Jade

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